I feel so naked! Have you had one of those times when you feel naked because something is missing? The feeling when you forgot or lost something that you've had on you all the time? Today it is my wrist watch. I kept touching my left wrist to feel for my watch but it's not there. The strap of my wrist watch broke and I could not find the buckle anywhere to put it back so I left home in the morning with the watch in my pocket. However, my right hand couldn't help feeling for it on my left hand, even when I do realize that my wrist watch is broken. It wasn't the weight of the watch that made me feel exposed. It is more like the feeling that something is not there. I have been wearing this watch since PMR, which was when my grandma bought it for me and I have it on almost all my waking hours, except when I take my bath. I also have the habit of adjusting it everytime I am nervous or bored. Maybe I will start figuring out a new habit without it....
It is a cheap watch but it has been with me through every path of my life journey. Now it is just sitting my pocket while my hand still misses the feel of it and I feel naked without it.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
bad karma
*phew* What a hectic week! Finished the ribosome paper on Tuesday and handed in to Dr. Schmidt but have yet to heard back from him. I hope he's too busy to look through it and not because I need to work on it more. Finished the toxin paper on Thursday at 8.00am in the morning. Boy, am I proud! That allowed me to get some work done in the lab before class.
Unfortunately, Thursday afternoon wasn't a good at all. I had to practice how to do oral gavage administration on mice. It wasn't the mice that freaked me out because they are as cute as hamsters and I've had hamsters before. It was knowing how much I might hurt them that stressed me out. I don't get stress out most of the time, not even when I was writing my senior thesis last year or even when I had to take SPM in Form 5. This time, I felt like I just need to get out of the room.
There was two mice who were bound to die soon. They were not infected so Dr. Young told me to practice o.g. on them. He held the mice a few times and I just had to inject the saline water into their stomach through their mouth. That was fine - the mouse did not squirm, the injection went smoothly and it was easy to find the way into their stomach. Then it was my turn to hold the mice. Catching them by the tail was easy. Holding them at the tail and make sure they stay down was easy. Then I had to press them down so that they don't turn around when I tried to pinch their neck (kinda like how a mom cat would bite its kittens by the neck). I got to that part. It was when I tried to pinch their neck that they start to turn their head - a tiny movement from them made me pull back. I can't help it, it's a natural reflex! Dr. Young had done it like a hundred times or so since his last sample size was 60. I tried a couple of times and the mice started to get stressed up since I was pinning it down on the cage but was unable to pinch it up. I placed it back into its cage for a while and when I tried again, I just couldn't do it.
So H, who was helping me told me to practice with a dead mice. I was like oh no! I really don't want to get the mice killed. She told me it will be okay - as though the mice is just a toy!!! But since I could not do it on a life mice, I had no choice. We carbon dioxide fixated the little fellow and I tried on it (gosh! I don't even know its sex!). It worked just fine - but that was because this lifeless tiny fellow is not moving at all. But I got the feel of how much skin I should grab and where is the right place to grab. Then we moved on to the next mice. Sadly, seeing that its friend was just been treated cruelly, this little mice refuse to cooperate and became really jumpy. It was hard to catch it and it was even tougher to get it pinned down. It curled up tightly into a ball and made it really hard to press down on it. Conscious of how it would feel if someone were to press down on my backbone while I'm all curled up, I didn't dare to press too hard either. That made the mice jumps up everytime I tried to grab its neck.
We ended up killing it with me still not very good at catching them and holding them tight. Arghghgg!! That was an act of very bad karma. H told me that in order to work with animals, we have to learn to detach ourselves from them. No names, no coaxing, no daily talks and stuff like that. But I can't help it!!! I am not a big fan of mice either but knowing that it is gonna hurt that poor little thing just kills me. I have not seen that two mice at all until I had to do the o. g. on it and yet I already felt bad for them. Am I capable of continuing on this project? It is not a one time thing - it is a whole phd thesis by itself! But if I don't work on this project, my other choice is the ecology project - how to find a job in M'sia with an ecology experience? M'sians doesn't care about stuff like that!
May the two little mice be reborn in a better treated environment.
Unfortunately, Thursday afternoon wasn't a good at all. I had to practice how to do oral gavage administration on mice. It wasn't the mice that freaked me out because they are as cute as hamsters and I've had hamsters before. It was knowing how much I might hurt them that stressed me out. I don't get stress out most of the time, not even when I was writing my senior thesis last year or even when I had to take SPM in Form 5. This time, I felt like I just need to get out of the room.
There was two mice who were bound to die soon. They were not infected so Dr. Young told me to practice o.g. on them. He held the mice a few times and I just had to inject the saline water into their stomach through their mouth. That was fine - the mouse did not squirm, the injection went smoothly and it was easy to find the way into their stomach. Then it was my turn to hold the mice. Catching them by the tail was easy. Holding them at the tail and make sure they stay down was easy. Then I had to press them down so that they don't turn around when I tried to pinch their neck (kinda like how a mom cat would bite its kittens by the neck). I got to that part. It was when I tried to pinch their neck that they start to turn their head - a tiny movement from them made me pull back. I can't help it, it's a natural reflex! Dr. Young had done it like a hundred times or so since his last sample size was 60. I tried a couple of times and the mice started to get stressed up since I was pinning it down on the cage but was unable to pinch it up. I placed it back into its cage for a while and when I tried again, I just couldn't do it.
So H, who was helping me told me to practice with a dead mice. I was like oh no! I really don't want to get the mice killed. She told me it will be okay - as though the mice is just a toy!!! But since I could not do it on a life mice, I had no choice. We carbon dioxide fixated the little fellow and I tried on it (gosh! I don't even know its sex!). It worked just fine - but that was because this lifeless tiny fellow is not moving at all. But I got the feel of how much skin I should grab and where is the right place to grab. Then we moved on to the next mice. Sadly, seeing that its friend was just been treated cruelly, this little mice refuse to cooperate and became really jumpy. It was hard to catch it and it was even tougher to get it pinned down. It curled up tightly into a ball and made it really hard to press down on it. Conscious of how it would feel if someone were to press down on my backbone while I'm all curled up, I didn't dare to press too hard either. That made the mice jumps up everytime I tried to grab its neck.
We ended up killing it with me still not very good at catching them and holding them tight. Arghghgg!! That was an act of very bad karma. H told me that in order to work with animals, we have to learn to detach ourselves from them. No names, no coaxing, no daily talks and stuff like that. But I can't help it!!! I am not a big fan of mice either but knowing that it is gonna hurt that poor little thing just kills me. I have not seen that two mice at all until I had to do the o. g. on it and yet I already felt bad for them. Am I capable of continuing on this project? It is not a one time thing - it is a whole phd thesis by itself! But if I don't work on this project, my other choice is the ecology project - how to find a job in M'sia with an ecology experience? M'sians doesn't care about stuff like that!
May the two little mice be reborn in a better treated environment.
Monday, February 14, 2005
V day
What is so special about Valentine's day? If a couple is in love, they should be celebrating their affection for each other all throughout their lifetime together and not focus on this single day every year. Girls and getting flowers and chocolates all over campus - you can hear a shriek of excitement or laughters of surprise from everyone who gets something from their significant other or from a yet to be sealed relationship partner. Of course, there are also those who end up going home crying their hearts out because their significant other seems to be ignorant of the very day or has no interest in spending on such fancy gifts or simply because they don't have a significant other. I was once in that same position..both the happy and the sad ones. Today, I am just amused at the happiness I see in some and wish that the sadness I see in others would go away. I have realized that V day does not mean anything if the love is celebrated that particular day but not at all for the rest of the year.
While the celebration is going on around campus, I'm stuck here at the basement of Pharmacology and Toxicology building. That's the only disadvantage of the Young lab - no windows!!! I won't be able to see the sun as much as I wish anymore. I come in at 7am in the morning when the sun is not up yet and I leave at 6pm when the sun has already set. Gosh..this is not life!! Hmm..maybe I can just download a picture of a sunny day and place it on my desktop. Yeah..that would definitely be a good idea.
Time to get back to work = more about toxins and immunology. Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life? Sigh, here comes the dilemma again.
While the celebration is going on around campus, I'm stuck here at the basement of Pharmacology and Toxicology building. That's the only disadvantage of the Young lab - no windows!!! I won't be able to see the sun as much as I wish anymore. I come in at 7am in the morning when the sun is not up yet and I leave at 6pm when the sun has already set. Gosh..this is not life!! Hmm..maybe I can just download a picture of a sunny day and place it on my desktop. Yeah..that would definitely be a good idea.
Time to get back to work = more about toxins and immunology. Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life? Sigh, here comes the dilemma again.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
wide awake
Its 6am in the morning and I had yet to catch a wink. The sleeping is comfy, the room is warm and toasty, eyes is tired, and body deserve the rest from standing and walking. So why is my brain still not willing to stop crunching? - killed the first mice today. A mice that has JUST been weaned (definitely less than a week). It was by carbon dioxide euthanasia (thank God it is not by cervical dislocation or I would still be stunned now). It took less than 5 minutes for them to finish gasping and die. But being the one who initiated the kill, it felt like it was 5 hours instead of 5 minutes. A thermoflask (those that we usually fill up with cold drinks when going for picnics) filled halfway with deionized water was connected to a tupperware. A few cubes of dry ice were then placed into the sealed flask, and the mice was immediately transferred from its cage into the tupperware. I then had to hold the lid tight (to make sure that the building up pressure cause by the carbon dioxide realeased does not opens up the lid and allow the mice to jump out - that would have been a disaster!!!) while the mice walk around a little bit, then it became unstable as you can see the head start to go round while it tries to walk (like a drunk person trying to walk in a straight line but fail to do so) and then it collapse onto the surface of the tupperware when it could no longer stand up. It would start to gasp, which was really obvious because it is so tiny then when it tries to breathe in, its whole rib cage would be sucked in and then released deeply. After what seems like million times of gasping, it would just stay still and when you shake the tupperware, you'll realize that it is dead, with its fur all frosted because of the carbon dioxide.
With that first experience, I have just broken the first precept of Panca Sila. I've sinned - it wasn't just killing for our safety (ie. killing white ants to prevent destruction of wood) because it was killing for fundamental science. It is not like I've never killed before - cockroaches, lizards, ants, flies - they were still a living being but I only kill them when they are harmful to us. In fact, when I find cockroaches at home and they are not anywhere near my food stuff, I usually remove them with a paper and bring it outside the house. This is killing an innocent life! I feel like I am a murderer now. Why did I still do it? Maybe I could have said something but what other ways are available for us to study the gut microbiota other than to euthanize them? Do I want to stay in this project? Definitely not! Do I have a choice? This project is definitely applicable in Malaysia since nobody in Malaysia would sponsor a research that studies the ribosome fall off rate in copiotrophs and oligotrophs (my second choice). Maybe I should just talk to Dr. Young again and focus on the antibiotic-associated diarrhea project. That would definitely be applicable and NO killing mice. The only challenge is the limited amount of samples that we would get as Lansing is not an entirely large area and not everyone gets diarrhea everyday. Where do I see myself in the future? The ribosome project would be a great project to work on if I decided to stay in US because nobody has looked at it before and the prelimary data that I've got is promising. But I don't want to stay in US forever. Maybe I should think big and bring such science to the Malaysian community and wake everyone up from the traditional view of science. But I don't want to be so up front. Let the science stream politicians deal with that. Gosh, now I am even more confused than before.
Still wide awake. I am so sorry.
With that first experience, I have just broken the first precept of Panca Sila. I've sinned - it wasn't just killing for our safety (ie. killing white ants to prevent destruction of wood) because it was killing for fundamental science. It is not like I've never killed before - cockroaches, lizards, ants, flies - they were still a living being but I only kill them when they are harmful to us. In fact, when I find cockroaches at home and they are not anywhere near my food stuff, I usually remove them with a paper and bring it outside the house. This is killing an innocent life! I feel like I am a murderer now. Why did I still do it? Maybe I could have said something but what other ways are available for us to study the gut microbiota other than to euthanize them? Do I want to stay in this project? Definitely not! Do I have a choice? This project is definitely applicable in Malaysia since nobody in Malaysia would sponsor a research that studies the ribosome fall off rate in copiotrophs and oligotrophs (my second choice). Maybe I should just talk to Dr. Young again and focus on the antibiotic-associated diarrhea project. That would definitely be applicable and NO killing mice. The only challenge is the limited amount of samples that we would get as Lansing is not an entirely large area and not everyone gets diarrhea everyday. Where do I see myself in the future? The ribosome project would be a great project to work on if I decided to stay in US because nobody has looked at it before and the prelimary data that I've got is promising. But I don't want to stay in US forever. Maybe I should think big and bring such science to the Malaysian community and wake everyone up from the traditional view of science. But I don't want to be so up front. Let the science stream politicians deal with that. Gosh, now I am even more confused than before.
Still wide awake. I am so sorry.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
where's the spirit?
Everyone back home is so hyped about CNY. I called back home (maternal grandma's house at Kampung Baru) just before lunch today and managed to wish everyone 'Keong Hee Huat Chai' while they were happily enjoying 'lean lor' (steamboat in Hokkien). Unfortunately, the only few person that I did not managed to talk to are my parents and paternal grandma. Dad is still in Kabul (I still can't believe he left during CNY!!!!), mum had apparently went home early because she had to wash her hair since we can't wash hair on 'che it' (first day of CNY) and of course my paternal grandma had to follow her along. After 'Keong' with everyone, I called back home - Batu Feringghi - but no one picked up the phone.
Even after talking to everyone, the spirit to celebrate CNY is still yet to be felt. The chinese from China does not celebrate it either since China is not big on CNY ever since the communist took over, although they are starting to catch up with it. Wanted to call Nok to wish her but was kinda disappointed after not getting to talk to mum so I didn't really want to wish her in a disappointed mood. Spent the entire day attending class, which turned out to be kinda fun today since I managed to be wise enough to participate in the discussion - benefit of killing myself in the articles.
Just managed to call mum a while ago, just before they were planning to leave for the usual visiting. Still yet to talk to my paternal grandma but will try to call her in a while and hopefully, this time she'll pick up the phone. Before we moved back to Penang, it was always Penang ahmah for maternal grandma since she stayed in Penang while paternal grandma was just ahmah since she stayed with us all the time in PJ. When we moved back to Penang, it became confusing since whenever we call ahmah, both ahmah answered. So we made it a point to call either Batu Feringghi ahmah or Ayer Itam ahmah but it got so long that we eventually lost it and went back to Penang ahmah and just ahmah. Gosh..since when a respective greet became so complicating?? But now that I don't talk to them both at the same time, I just call them both ahmah.
Even after talking to everyone, the spirit to celebrate CNY is still yet to be felt. The chinese from China does not celebrate it either since China is not big on CNY ever since the communist took over, although they are starting to catch up with it. Wanted to call Nok to wish her but was kinda disappointed after not getting to talk to mum so I didn't really want to wish her in a disappointed mood. Spent the entire day attending class, which turned out to be kinda fun today since I managed to be wise enough to participate in the discussion - benefit of killing myself in the articles.
Just managed to call mum a while ago, just before they were planning to leave for the usual visiting. Still yet to talk to my paternal grandma but will try to call her in a while and hopefully, this time she'll pick up the phone. Before we moved back to Penang, it was always Penang ahmah for maternal grandma since she stayed in Penang while paternal grandma was just ahmah since she stayed with us all the time in PJ. When we moved back to Penang, it became confusing since whenever we call ahmah, both ahmah answered. So we made it a point to call either Batu Feringghi ahmah or Ayer Itam ahmah but it got so long that we eventually lost it and went back to Penang ahmah and just ahmah. Gosh..since when a respective greet became so complicating?? But now that I don't talk to them both at the same time, I just call them both ahmah.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
dad's away
Few days ago, I received an e-mail from dad saying that he's in Dubai. I thought my parents decided to go for a short vacation since they've been doing that since dad retired. But I called home, mum says that he's helping his friend to do some training. Then yesterday I got another e-mail from dad...he's on his way to Kabul, Afghanistan! So much for trusting my dad to stay put at home when he retired. sheesh!
crazy weekend
The weekend started out tiring...
I had asked Jake (a fellow course mate in MMG department) to help me out with moving since he has a truck and I don't have to rent a U-Haul truck or make multiple rounds using Nok's car that could not even fit my chair and desk that I bought. He was available on Saturday morning and I was still not completely packed yet. So on Friday night, I left work early (that was my last day of work at the Schmidt's lab...they had a lunch for me at Peanut Barrels, which was really fun!..wonder if there's gonna be more occasion like this in the Young's lab) to pack up as much as I could. I was so caught up in packing that the next time I look at my watch, it was already 1am and we scheduled to meet at 9am. There was still stuff to pack and I have yet to dismantle my desktop. But I was really beat out so I took my bath and went to bed.
Woke up at 7am, continue packing and just in time, when Jake appeared in front of my apt, I finished packing. We load all the stuff on the truck, which was just big enough because it fit to the brim of it. I called Stephanie (a lab mate from the Schmidt's lab, who is already staying at Trappers Cove) to meet me at my new place since she had agreed to help me out.
At the new place - Trappers Cove Apt. - it took us about 40 minutes to unload everything in the truck into my new apt, which is on the third floor. We finished the whole move in about 1.5 hours. We left all my stuff in the hall because I didn't want to take up too much of their time. Thankfully for such nice people, my move was uneventful and smooth. I went back to lab for a while to finish up my last experiment and to print some articles (yes..more to read for the next two week's lecture!!!!). Then I came back to Spartan Village. Slept all the way to 6pm...
Party time!! Irina (another fellow MMG course mate) had a party over at her place at Cherry Lane to celebrate her birthday. Met quite a few people, there was only about 14 of us. All of them are 'beer fans' and I really do not like the taste of beer at all..not even the smell of it. But what am I suppose to ask for...orange juice? I don't drink carbonated drinks either..not even a sip of it. So I took raspberry Smirnoff which a flavored Vodka drink. I finished the first bottle feeling a little warm but that was normal since most Asians, especially girls, don't have lots of alcohol dehydrogenase, which makes them look flush and warms up at the face. The second bottle came by and was gone. It was easy to be drinking while we're talking and I was listening to this Jordanian guy talk about the Islamic influence in their country, which was interesting since they are completely a different culture even though Jordan and M'sia are Islamic countries. Then the third bottle came and by the end of it, I was feeling the kick of the alcohol in my brain. So I left the party and Irina gave me the rest of the Smirnoff since she didn't really like it as she is more into the beers, which she had a whole lot! By the time I got home, my mind was clouded with all kinds of negative thoughts and 3 more bottle of Smirnoff went down my throat. That is the first time I've felt that bad because of alcohol...it's been a long time since I gulped down that much. Did I regret it? Well...I know that I called BK and can't really recall what I said to him but I'm pretty I had dumped some of my complains about the suckiness of my solitary living here I feel bad about it but I called to say I'm sorry this morning and I do regret saying things that would probably have hurt him. But regret doing what I did? There's no turning back times and I'm not perfect...I have my down times too...just nobody ever believes me because they rather believe that I'm the strong one, I'm the optimist one, I'm the take-it-all-on-me one. So no, I am not regretting it.
Woke up this morning with a headache and that's the bad part about drinking - hangover. Called BK to apologize and went back to sleep since the headache was getting the better part of me. Slept till 1.30pm when Nok called me. She brought me to our new apt and I built up my desk. Now am back at Spartan Village....back to reading articles...and it's all about toxins this week.
The weekend ends and I'm still tired.
I had asked Jake (a fellow course mate in MMG department) to help me out with moving since he has a truck and I don't have to rent a U-Haul truck or make multiple rounds using Nok's car that could not even fit my chair and desk that I bought. He was available on Saturday morning and I was still not completely packed yet. So on Friday night, I left work early (that was my last day of work at the Schmidt's lab...they had a lunch for me at Peanut Barrels, which was really fun!..wonder if there's gonna be more occasion like this in the Young's lab) to pack up as much as I could. I was so caught up in packing that the next time I look at my watch, it was already 1am and we scheduled to meet at 9am. There was still stuff to pack and I have yet to dismantle my desktop. But I was really beat out so I took my bath and went to bed.
Woke up at 7am, continue packing and just in time, when Jake appeared in front of my apt, I finished packing. We load all the stuff on the truck, which was just big enough because it fit to the brim of it. I called Stephanie (a lab mate from the Schmidt's lab, who is already staying at Trappers Cove) to meet me at my new place since she had agreed to help me out.
At the new place - Trappers Cove Apt. - it took us about 40 minutes to unload everything in the truck into my new apt, which is on the third floor. We finished the whole move in about 1.5 hours. We left all my stuff in the hall because I didn't want to take up too much of their time. Thankfully for such nice people, my move was uneventful and smooth. I went back to lab for a while to finish up my last experiment and to print some articles (yes..more to read for the next two week's lecture!!!!). Then I came back to Spartan Village. Slept all the way to 6pm...
Party time!! Irina (another fellow MMG course mate) had a party over at her place at Cherry Lane to celebrate her birthday. Met quite a few people, there was only about 14 of us. All of them are 'beer fans' and I really do not like the taste of beer at all..not even the smell of it. But what am I suppose to ask for...orange juice? I don't drink carbonated drinks either..not even a sip of it. So I took raspberry Smirnoff which a flavored Vodka drink. I finished the first bottle feeling a little warm but that was normal since most Asians, especially girls, don't have lots of alcohol dehydrogenase, which makes them look flush and warms up at the face. The second bottle came by and was gone. It was easy to be drinking while we're talking and I was listening to this Jordanian guy talk about the Islamic influence in their country, which was interesting since they are completely a different culture even though Jordan and M'sia are Islamic countries. Then the third bottle came and by the end of it, I was feeling the kick of the alcohol in my brain. So I left the party and Irina gave me the rest of the Smirnoff since she didn't really like it as she is more into the beers, which she had a whole lot! By the time I got home, my mind was clouded with all kinds of negative thoughts and 3 more bottle of Smirnoff went down my throat. That is the first time I've felt that bad because of alcohol...it's been a long time since I gulped down that much. Did I regret it? Well...I know that I called BK and can't really recall what I said to him but I'm pretty I had dumped some of my complains about the suckiness of my solitary living here I feel bad about it but I called to say I'm sorry this morning and I do regret saying things that would probably have hurt him. But regret doing what I did? There's no turning back times and I'm not perfect...I have my down times too...just nobody ever believes me because they rather believe that I'm the strong one, I'm the optimist one, I'm the take-it-all-on-me one. So no, I am not regretting it.
Woke up this morning with a headache and that's the bad part about drinking - hangover. Called BK to apologize and went back to sleep since the headache was getting the better part of me. Slept till 1.30pm when Nok called me. She brought me to our new apt and I built up my desk. Now am back at Spartan Village....back to reading articles...and it's all about toxins this week.
The weekend ends and I'm still tired.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Frozen! I was tempted to try to step on it but I don't want to risk falling into a highly polluted river, especially when there's not many people wandering around outside in this freaking cold weather. It was definitely frozen enough for ducks to walk on it and leave their footprints but I don't think it'll take my weight. kekeke..
Snow flakes. This is as clear as I can get considering my amateur skills in photography although I enjoys it greatly. Maybe it's just the incapability of my Canon S410..kekeke. This is not the snow falling but the snow flakes are stucked on the plastic wall of the bus stop. I have to adjust the whiteness according to a snow background, used the lowest shutter speed and taken from a distance with zoom..any nearer without the zoom, the snow shape blurs into streaks or circles. Frust!
Nature's Sculpture. This picture was taken by the Red Cedar River that runs across campus. It is approximately 3 days after the snow stop falling. We got about 12-15 inches of snow for two days and the temperature dropped after the snow stops, causing ice to form and somehow, nature has found its way to create such lovely architecture. I had to tramp my way through all the thick snow, risking cold feet but it sure was worth it!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
expectations.
The day started out great as I was feeling better this morning although I'm still trying to change my diet to suit my stomach's demand (gosh..these organs are really picky!). Ran gel electrophoresis of my restriction digestions and it worked! So that was my happy morning....
Had a class at 1pm. I really do enjoy the topic of this class but I'm starting to dislike (although I try not to dislike anything) the way the format the class - no exams but a paper due every 2 weeks. I don't mind the papers since it allows me to practice (side-tracking..anyone of you listening to hitz fm now - 7.04 am in M'sia - all the songs sucks! what happen to djs with good taste???) writing scientifically, which I've not written a really solid one for a long time. So where's the problem? The problem..or I should say challenge, is that the advisors in this class all think that we Ph. D. students have nothing better to do other than attending their class. They assign 7 papers to read that is suppose to prepare us for their lectures, which I admit that they do because I understand the papers better. Then they had to assign 2 other papers for the assignment and we're suppose to look for primary literature and not review papers. I know that it's important to read primary literature to get the facts right and not get confused with rationality given by bias scientists but not everyone in the class focuses on microbial pathogenesis. Reading primary literature does not help at all when I'm trying to write a paper that should include my ideas and opinions. I'm a microbial ecologist and how am I suppose to know what is 'gentamicin protection assay'??? Am I not looking hard enough...I don't think so..I looked for it in the text book, which is suppose to be the reference book for those who does not have a strong background in microbial pathogenesis and do I find it there? NO! I looked at google and what did I get? Primary literatures that describe it in the experimental procedure in a VERY undetailed manner. Arghgghgh!!! This is making me so mad!!! It also does not help that during the discussion sessions, we're asked questions, we're expected to answer and what do we get? A shrug from the advisors saying that it's yet to be discovered and they don't know about it. Why can't we just focus on current hypothesis and try to solve it instead of creating more hypothesis that none of us in the class would probably be involved in?
While I was trying to stay in focus despite all the stuff that I don't understand, we were assigned another 2 papers for Thursday. Crazy!! This confirms all the overexpectations that Ph. D. students here are getting...who was the one who decided for me to continue studying? Unfortunately...it's me.
..and while all these are happening here, parents are busy helping grandparents remove and clean all the stuff they need for the yearly prayers to our dead ones. Sigh..all the good food..especially ju hu char!!
Had a class at 1pm. I really do enjoy the topic of this class but I'm starting to dislike (although I try not to dislike anything) the way the format the class - no exams but a paper due every 2 weeks. I don't mind the papers since it allows me to practice (side-tracking..anyone of you listening to hitz fm now - 7.04 am in M'sia - all the songs sucks! what happen to djs with good taste???) writing scientifically, which I've not written a really solid one for a long time. So where's the problem? The problem..or I should say challenge, is that the advisors in this class all think that we Ph. D. students have nothing better to do other than attending their class. They assign 7 papers to read that is suppose to prepare us for their lectures, which I admit that they do because I understand the papers better. Then they had to assign 2 other papers for the assignment and we're suppose to look for primary literature and not review papers. I know that it's important to read primary literature to get the facts right and not get confused with rationality given by bias scientists but not everyone in the class focuses on microbial pathogenesis. Reading primary literature does not help at all when I'm trying to write a paper that should include my ideas and opinions. I'm a microbial ecologist and how am I suppose to know what is 'gentamicin protection assay'??? Am I not looking hard enough...I don't think so..I looked for it in the text book, which is suppose to be the reference book for those who does not have a strong background in microbial pathogenesis and do I find it there? NO! I looked at google and what did I get? Primary literatures that describe it in the experimental procedure in a VERY undetailed manner. Arghgghgh!!! This is making me so mad!!! It also does not help that during the discussion sessions, we're asked questions, we're expected to answer and what do we get? A shrug from the advisors saying that it's yet to be discovered and they don't know about it. Why can't we just focus on current hypothesis and try to solve it instead of creating more hypothesis that none of us in the class would probably be involved in?
While I was trying to stay in focus despite all the stuff that I don't understand, we were assigned another 2 papers for Thursday. Crazy!! This confirms all the overexpectations that Ph. D. students here are getting...who was the one who decided for me to continue studying? Unfortunately...it's me.
..and while all these are happening here, parents are busy helping grandparents remove and clean all the stuff they need for the yearly prayers to our dead ones. Sigh..all the good food..especially ju hu char!!
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