crashed

It's been a week since the car crash. Physically, I'm feeling better. I went for a short jog yesterday evening and it was a little stressful on the bruises but it felt good to be able to run again. It was a little hard on the chest too but I'm sure it'll be fine if I learn not to wake up or reach up high using my chest muscles and shoulder blades too much. It'll actually be good for me to learn to use my abdomen muscles more. Otherwise, I'm feeling a lot better but still wishing that I don't have to look at the ugly scar right below my knees.

Emotionally, there's still flashes back of what happened but it always end right when the car is coming up towards me. Of course there's always part of me that wishes that I had not gone to work so early that morning, or that I had taken the parking permit from Steph the night before, or that I had not made the detour to that route but all I can say for now is, I'm glad to walk out of the car alive. It's still sad that I've finally got such an awesome car and now that it's just a piece of metal crap. But I'm thankful to all my angel guardians for protecting me. When I went back to look at the car again, I think it's a miracle that I am still alive. I could see the mark of the Ford Explorer when it crashes so close to my windscreen which shattered into pieces. It made me shudder with fear again but I remind myself that I am lucky to be alive so I should stop thinking about it.

But for the past week, I just didn't want to talk about it. I talked to my parents, talked to BK, talked to my lab mates for were all played a part in helping me to cope with the shock of the accident. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I talked enough. I just wanted to move forward, let it go and just keep it as memory which will always remind me to treasure life. But friends being friends, they care and they can't help asking what happened. I just couldn't cope with it anymore so I decided to go MIA. Furthermore, it's not easy to tell people what happened when I couldn't recall it myself. All I could remember was the car coming towards me and anything after that, it was all a blur. It was like me looking from a far, looking through a blurry glass. I hope that they'll understand that I'm not trying to push them away but I just have a different way to cope with situations like this and my way is to just share it with people who are really close to me and then I just have to be by myself.

I'm sorry if I hurt any of you but I really hope that you'll understand that I'm just not used to talking about things. Just being me...