is it finally over?

Yesterday, I was organizing my schedule and planned to make this weekend free to catch up with work that I've missed.
- update my Statistics notes
- prepare my presentation for Tuesday
- read up the articles I've been meaning to
- cook something healthy
- and of course, some myself time

But had to push them back to tomorrow. S needs help moving to Detroit. I volunteered to help out since I don't really know that many M'sians here and I feel that it's nice to help among few of us that are left. It's also kinda nice to be hanging out with friends than to just stay home and be solitary. S came to pick me up at 8am this morning, went to her place to move the stuff into the cars and left for Detroit by 11am.

Her place is awesome!! It's exactly the kind of place I would love to get when I get a job and plan to settle down. She has two bedrooms, lots of closet spaces (!!!), her own dryer and laundry in the kitchen and of course a lovely dressing area. It's also a very nice and quiet neighborhood. Came back to Lansing at 2.30pm and CY dropped me off at the lab for me to take a picture of my SDS-PAGE gel. They came to pick me up at 3pm back to S and CY's place. S cooked udon noodle which was really good although it looks simple. Chat a little while after the meal and CY fetched me back to my place.

While it's just a simple day with friends, it feels comfortable. I did not kept thinking about things I need to do. No, it's a not a way to neglect my responsibilities. I know I have to work extra hard tomorrow to catch up but I think it's worth to spend the time with them. At the mean time, I also came to realize a few things. While moving, CY would watch out for me when I'm carrying something really heavy. He would carry it for me, pointing me to something lighter or help me out. It's not easy to find a guy like this anymore. He's not making me feel useless and yet he's being a very gentleman. I was also having a runny nose because of the warm weather today and he kept asking me if I'm okay. Before we left for Detroit, I told him that I have to go back to lab to get something done before the end of the day. Right when we arrive Lansing, he brought me straight back to the lab and insisted that he comes back to pick me up to get something to eat after that.

Where can we find guy friends who are so caring and aware? It's all these little things they do that catches my attention. Lots of guys think that if they get expensive stuff for their girls or if they bring them for an expensive dinner, their girl will be happy. But are the girls really happy that way? I remember FY used to shower me with all kinds of gifts. But what happened to us? Nothing. He didn't know how to show his feelings, or at least I didn't get it since I didn't think that feelings should be depicted through materials. Later, when BK came along, he wasn't the type of guy who buys lots of gifts, not even during big occasions. But he knew the little things that makes me happy. That's the one characteristic that made me freeze right there in his arms. For a long time, I thought that guys like this don't exist anymore. But today, CY reminds me that I'm wrong.

Today CY asked me how's things going between BK and me. I said that I hardly think about him and I don't sacrifice sleep and work to talk to him anymore. I also don't get upset so easily when he says things that seems like he didn't care. When I said it out loud, I realized that it's been a long time since I got upset over him, that it's been a long time I stayed up late hoping to see him come online and talk to him, that it's been a long time I toss the phone from my left palm to my right palm thinking if it's okay to call him, that I cry myself to bed thinking about all the things we could have done and of course, thinking how could he walked away at the time I needed him most. Does this means that it's finally over? Hmm.. I think he'll always be part of me since we've spent most of our teenage years together but it's time to close that chapter of my life and move on. Today, CY showed me that BK is not the only guy whom I can describe as 'my type'. He may not realized that he opened my eyes but if you happen to stumble upon this some day, thanks CY! At least for the next month I have someone to hang out with and still be myself.