trip to K'zoo

It's graduation weekend in Kalamazoo. I took a drive down to congratulate V. I've been sitting in on people's graduation since BK's graduation in May 2003 - which is a lot! Out of so many, never once did I find any of them unique except for the few extra clips they added into the movie on 'days at Western' last year. This year, I decided to just go for the photo session after the ceremony instead of the entire thing. I got a good reason too - my committee meeting is next Friday, which I have yet to finish and I have lab reports to grade.

While graduation ceremony was usually held at Miller Auditorium, this semester, the ceremony is held at University Arena, the sports arena where Broncos plays basketball home games. They had to move it this year because Phantom of the Opera is playing at Miller and Ping is wishing she could stay one more day to watch the Phantom...but of course, priority list does not include that.

The number of people I know in K'zoo is getting less and less. V is one of the last few people I know. He was my apartment-mate during my undergrad and have been a great friend. He knows how to treat a friend right and I just had to be there to congratulate him in person. While others finish their undergrad degree in 4 years or so, he took a longer time to find what he really wanted to study. But when he found it, he was right on track. Saw how he changed from the 24/7 Xbox addict to a diligent student who now has the experience most undergrads do not pursue. I hope that he'll be able to find a job he likes here.

Since I was gonna be there, I decided to call J and Q for dinner and some catching up. We went to Rasa Ria, a restaurant serving Malaysian and Indonesian food. They don't have as many choices as Ria here in East Lansing but they definitely have good stuff. The dishes are more of the malay style than the hawker food style. I had a plate of mee siam which was pretty good but they used a different kind of noodle. I think it would have been a lot better if they had used bihun. I also ta pau a box of nasi ayam kampung. That is sooooooo good. I'll definitely drop by there again the next time I take a trip to K'zoo.

Billy Joel

It's Billy Joel! Bought the CD last week from Black, Flat and Circular and he's been my company for the past couple of days in the lab. It's busy busy days for Ping but feeling good about it 'coz I've been productive. Last week was busy grading all the lab notebooks (definitely enough for now!!) and this week I'm trying to organize my thoughts for committee meeting next week. At the same time, I am working on a few experiments that makes me think about the next step..kinda scary. What if this is all going the wrong way? What if this is something that cannot be proven even if speculatively, it seems likely? On the other hand, excited that it's not a dead end yet, that there's something to look forward to and that it is thought-provoking. Doesn't it makes you feel good when something makes you think..really think and use your brains? Am also busy guiding my students to finish up their final lab report and it's also making me feel good as I can see the progress they've had throughout this semester and the effort that some of them puts in. And of course, life is not all work. We have to play too right?? :P There was the BBQ and the Thai Cultural and Charity Dance to collect funds for the children in Thailand that are in poverty.

Ever gone through time when you're just so nervous about the next step, losing your confidence over small issues and having thoughts that you might end up being a failure? I guess sometimes we need encouragement and motivation and it's hard to provide that to ourself. Especially me, who always feels like I'm never good enough to be up there or to be part of something. Now I kinda know why Edmund says I don't have enough self-esteem. I can be optimistic and confident about something that I know I did it before. But when it's something new, I hold back, I move as though I'm stepping on pebbles instead of a solid path. All my friends have never seen me when I lose confidence, when I back away because I don't think I can be part of it or I can make it that far. No one believes me when I say 'I don't think I can do it'. They'll just shove the thought aside and say, 'Hei..you're Ping. You'll get it no matter what'. How do they know? Is it because I only show what people expects from me and when I'm upset I never show it out? Why can't I be the one taking advice instead of giving? Sometimes..just sometimes..I wish there is someone that I can complain to and not get the 'aiyah..worry what lah. Always say worry but still do it'. How about holding that back and say something like 'hei..you'll be fine. Just focus on your aim and work on it step-by-step'..or something like that? But I guess that's not gonna happen...which makes this phrase from Billy Joel's You're Only Human my favorite song of the week.

You've been keeping to yourself these days
Cause you're thinking everything's gone wrong
Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
That emotion can be so strong
But hold on
Till that old second wind comes along

On Monday, I received the letter with the list of those who will be my colleagues at MBL. Half of the list are people from prestigious universities and most likely have publications and are moving along in their own project. Me? I am still working on troubleshooting my model. I'm not even applying my model yet. Publications? They are just for conferences, not anything major. It kinda made me nervous about going and about my project. Then I talked to Tom and he kinda make me feel more confidence. He told me that I have experience and think a lot about my work, about my models and is constantly thinking of ways to disprove my null hypothesis. Then that reminds me..if I can't talk about what everyone else know, or understand what other people are working on, at least I know I'm good in what I do.

Regardless, I know I'll still feel nervous when the time gets closer. For now, I am nervous over my first committee meeting next week...that's why I'd rather be busy because it makes me feel good that I'm moving along, that it's not a dead end yet.

students

Finals week is not until next week but the lab that I am assisting for has a lab report due this week. Considering that not all my students got a chance to finish their experiments in time, I took the effort to have an open lab session this morning. I brought along with me 3 research articles as I thought no one was going to turn up. But surprisingly, there were about 15 students who came in. Some had questions and some just came to look at their results. Some were glad that I had the open lab.

I never thought that I would be able to teach someone else after the failure of teaching my lil bro maths in high school. I used to wanna be a teacher..remember the stuff we have to fill up during report card week? Teacher was always one of my options. Until one day, mum asked me to teach ahboy maths and I totally threw that ambition out of my mind. He was so stubborn. But today, I felt good after the open lab session. I was so glad that I could help out with all these kids. They were very patient and understanding with some of my explanations. For some reason, I tend to explain some stuff longer than necessary. It definitely made my day and no doubt, I would be willing to TA for the class again.

Today is actually one of my better Mondays. Although I didn't get as much done as I had plan, I did get some work done and some readings out of the way. Even got a chance to talk to BK and he actually made me feel better too. I just can't find a reason why after so long, his moods still affects me, giving me mix feelings. But today, I actually feel like a real friend to him...and that I matters to him. Maybe we can actually be friends after all...

BBQ at Hawk Island Park

The spring is here!!! Lovely weather - not hot enough to sweat and cool enough to wear shorts and throw the thick winter coat out the window. The weekend was around the corner and we can't help making use of it so we had a small BBQ party.

It was held at Hawk Island Park. It is a small park with a playground and 1.5 mile pathway for jogging, roller blading, biking or just walking. They also provide BBQ pits and sitting area. It is still too early to be crowded so it was just nice. We went there last year and enjoyed ourselves there. We have a different group this year as most of those who organized the gathering last year had gone back to Malaysia for good. I also invited 2 other friends from work and MW brought 4 other friends from work too so it wasn't exactly a Malaysian only gathering.

I made some chicken satay, pork on skewers with green peppers and prepared the BBQ must haves - hot dog and cocktail sausages. TT brought chicken wings, corn and potatoes. Although it was a nice weather to be out, it was too windy for BBQ because it took forever to cook the chicken wings. We had to cover them with layers and layers of foil. It definitely was a very environmental unfriendly event as we used 2 rolls of 50 yards foil and 3 bags of charcoal. MW's friend also brought beef kebab. Fan and Ling bought cake from Dusty's Cellar for dessert. When the cake comes from Dusty's Cellar, dessert must never be missed! Their cakes are all really good.

Overall, it was a great weekend and thankfully we decided to move it to Saturday instead of Sunday because it was dull, wet and gloomy on Sunday. It was a great weekend girls!!

gastric pain

Back in high school days thru college days, I used to be 'chua' (or more harsh, lan si) about my eating habits. I used to be able to go thru the entire day without eating anything until dinner time. My lil bro, mum, ex, some of my friends will have to worry about getting gastric pain when they miss a meal or gone for too long without food. At that time, I was also very kiam siap to save money for when I come here so it was a good thing. Being naive, I thought that I'll never experience the pain and am immune to it because I'm used to eating one meal a day.

Similarly, when I came to the States for my undergrad, my bad habits came with me. I cooked dinner almost every night then so that's where I get most of my nutrients and calories from. Lunch time would usually be something really light or if classes are too close, I would skip it too. At the same time, due to deprivation from lots of expensive good food, I tend to overeat during the rare occasion when we would go out for dinner. It's worst when we go to a buffet or my favorite place, Applebees! But after that meal, I could go on for quite sometime without any solid food. Of course I still need water ler.

I am pretty much still the same. When I'm really hungry, I'll go out for dinner and tend to overeat. Then I'll go on for a few days surviving on yogurt, tea and oranges. But I have been eating breakfast for the past year just so I don't feel hungry during my first lecture, which can be very distracting sometimes. Sometime last week, I had a sharp pain just below my chest and I thought it was the usual pain I get when I carry something that's really heavy. But the pain did not go away. Instead, it got worse. I felt like someone just punched me in my stomach and like I was gonna vomit. I drank some milk and ate a few pieces of biscuit thinking that maybe I was hungry but it didn't help. Tried to go to sleep and it was still bugging me. But after a while, I got tired and slept off. I woke up the next morning feeling fine except for a sore feeling at my stomach. Never thought about it at all until last night.

The pain hit again. Thankfully, I just got home and was preparing for bed. I ignore it and tried to go to sleep, which I eventually did. But I was thinking back to see if I had been skipping my meals. Not surprising, I realized that I haven't eaten a decent meal in the past 3-4 days. The last heavy meal I remembered eating was mee rebus on Sunday night. I didn't get a chance to go get groceries this weekend so all that was in my fridge is tubs and tubs of yogurt, lots and lots of oranges and soy milk. For some reason, I lost my apetite to eat anything else except for these few stuff. I have no idea what happened to me since it's not stressful period. I know that it's because of a lost of apetite instead of a 'I forgot to eat' reason. I went to Goodrich today for groceries and I didn't feel like buying anything at all except for another bag of oranges and few packets of PepperRidge Farm biscuits. Hope I get my apetite back for solid food soon...the pain is awful. (I know I know, lots of you are anxious to say 'I told you so' but I don't really feel hungry when I know I"ve been eating...my body is just not getting it as much as I know I'm consuming food).

Annie

What do you do when you're upset, disappointed and frustrated? Comfort food...nah..then I'll be so full I can eat anything else for the next day. It's Annie:The Musical!! The tour is on and they are in Lansing, right here at Wharton Center.

Just got back from watching Annie. It was definitely a good show..both for their talent and the badly-needed laughter for me. The story is about an orphan, Annie who was determined to find her parents. She ran away from the orphanage, which was run by a mean lady who made them do all the housework. Not going too far, she got caught and was brought back to the orphanage. Lucky thing, a billionaire who was once an orphan was looking for an orphan to celebrate Christmas in his house with him. Annie was the selected one. Initially, she was supposed to spend only 2 weeks in his house but they warmed up to each other and he wanted to adopt her. But she was still determined to find her parents and he offered to help by rewarding anyone who could identify her parents. As you would expect, tons of people appeared in front of his house declaring themselves as Annie's parents...just for the 'qian' lah. The lady who took care of the orphanage 'pakat' with her brother to trick Annie into thinking he's her dad. Too bad, the billionaire caught him before he gave Annie back. And so the story ended with Annie having a billionaire dad.

I always have a soft spot for family shows or movies. When I was in F1-F3, they used to show really good family movies on Saturday morning on TV3 I think. Remember how they usually start with a cartoon then some educational show (sponsored by KFC or something like that) and then there'll be a movie. I used to watch every one of them when there's no extra-curriculum activities (which I drag everytime we had one...because I had to take the public bus and there's no direct bus that goes to SS17. We had to stop at Subang Parade and walked to school. When it's time to go home, we had to walk to the other side of SS17 to catch the bus). Those movies were the really good ones...and watching Annie reminds me of The Little Princess. Not the remake but the one by Sherley Temple. Then there's Herbie, Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, The Secret Garden (which they now have the book online too!!) and lots and lots more. They are kids movie but they are really good ones...not like the teen movies today that are full of unrealistic paradigmns and bad examples.

Yeah..definitely miss those days. Saturday was my favorite day especially when dad was around as we get to go out for family fun after lunch. Unfortunately dad was never around much but those few moments were definitely the best. I've had a chance to have dad all to myself last summer so we're closer now...and one thing I've learnt, no matter how many of your friends, gf/bf betrays you, your parents will always be there. I was always afraid to tell my parents some stuff because I thought they were gonna say 'I told you so' but nope, that wasn't what I got. Both mum and dad stood by me all the way...no accusing 'I told you he wasn't for you'..but they listened and told me to stay strong. They are the best!! Ooppzzz...side-tracking...better stop now. Gotta go finish grading...sigh...

Grrrrr...frust nya.

Mikey, I think I should heed your advice and go for the 'counseling advisor' position.

How did I get into this mess? Next time I ask a guy 'how are you' and their answer is not good because they are having girl problem...knock me on the head and remind to just say 'I'm sorry but I can't talk now'. Yeah, I could just have exit MSN and just go do something else. But no, I had to feel bad for them and try to console them. How can I walk away when a friend so dear is in such a heartbreak? How can I not try to cheer them up? It breaks my heart when they look so upset although at the same time, they are hurting me.

Three months ago I was consoling JJ when he had a fight with his gal...even though he hid the truth from me for almost a year, making me think he was really gonna accept State and that he's coming alone. (no worries JJ..you're still my buddy..or is there a reason I should not forgive ya?? *wink* ) Then the past weekend, it was BK who's breaking my heart. This time it's for two reason. One - he's so upset and I hate to see him that way. Second - he's fallen in love again. Not surprising. But this time, he's falling hard. So here I am on a roller-coaster ride again. Happy for him 'coz he's found the girl he wants, sad for him 'coz it's not all peachy, and sad for myself 'coz it's like losing him again. On the other side, all of you who have been on my side would be proud to know that I was being good. No tantrums. No sarcastic remark. Did my best to console him and with all my respect, I kept my words separated from my emotions and no accusations. (:P I know I'm praising myself here but hei, it's a victory for me). It's hard but I'm crawling through. With all my heart, I wish him best of luck to getting LS back and that happiness and true love be with them always. As for you JJ, you gotta keep that promise of yours when she comes over...she's doing it for you so I hope you'll make it worth it for her. Way to go guyz!!

That's enough heart breaks to last me a lifetime. No more getting myself into such murky puddles. They gotta deal with whatever comes next. It's too risky...came this far and yet a small slip will make me drown in the sorrow again. Isn't this frustrating? Just when I thought I'm all fine, that I'm totally over all that had happen, I'm back up on the roller coaster ride. Blah!

sun and wind

It's such a lovely weather outside I couldn't resist the temptation to go out even though I had stacks of lab notebooks to grade. So I grabbed my camera and took off walking around the campus. With such bright sun and cooling wind, what better way could I spend my Saturday afternoon right?

Most of the flowers have yet to bloom but the buds are out and they should be blooming anytime soon. Magnolia is one of early bloomers and it's just lovely to see magnolia trees all white full with flowers.

I especially love trees that does not have leaves. When they are in full bloom, the entire tree will be covered and they are simply fascinating. For Magnolia, it can grow right out from the branch itself.

My other favorite is some blue flower. I see them here and there but have no idea what is its name. It kinda look like bluebells but there are more petals and they are separated from each other. Someone once told me that there is a bluebell woods someone in UK. It is so thick that the ground looks blue during blooming season. Would definitely love to go there one day. Bluebells and lavendar are definitely my soft spot but they are very rare...maybe that's why I don't get lots of flowers. :P

Came across a tree that looks suitable for a treehouse. We had a mango tree when we were staying in Bayan Baru and I loved climbing up on it just to catch the view from up there. When my parents chopped it off, we I wished that we would get a tree like this so that we can built a treehouse just for me. But of course that never did happen..but we got another mango tree when we moved to Batu Feringghi and it's bearing mangoes already!!!

It's been a long time since I walk out and enjoy nature's gift. Sometimes I get caught up with work and keep thinking that I have to keep going or I'll slack. But it doesn't always have to be like that. I came home a lot fresher and simple things like these reminds me of the beautiful life I'm granted with. It's not often one come across such lovely and peaceful day. I don't have to be watching all these thru a tv screen wishing I could see it, feel it and experience it for myself because I am part of it. I just love feeling the warmth of the sun shining on down onto my face as I lay down on the grass or just listening to the whispers of the trees. Even the squirrels are coming out again. Simply wonderful! There's more pics here too...

burung kakak tua

Was walking out of the kitchen and when I tripped over the little stool by the corner. Mumbled to myself that I should watch my path or I'll lose my teeth by the age of 30 and the tune to this song came to mind...

Burung kakak tua..
something something..
nenek sudah tua..
giginya tinggal dua.

Lettum, lettum, ooh la la..(or something like that)

Wanna remind me where this tune comes from? I think it's from Standard 1 or 2 when we had to learn all the pantuns..but I can't really remember. Why all of the sudden? I don't know either. Haha..just a random thought.

taugeh

Remember when we were kids (mostly us girls since ahboy never had to it :P) and mum would make us peel the 'ends' of taugeh for taugeh char kiam hu or the skin of peanut for soup? I used to dislike doing that, especially the taugeh ones, because it takes forever! But that's how we were brought up. Everytime we buy taugeh, we have to peel the ends and we got used to eating 'cleaned' taugeh. While I never did volunteer to do them, it will still be something that I will make my kids do one day. It wasn't just the taugeh that we had to peel but it was helping mum in the kitchen, spending time with mum and sometimes with dad and ahmah too. Sometimes we'll talk about what's going on in school and work..or we'll just pop in an oldies cd and sing along. Of course sometimes I'll talk too much and get the 'kah meh pek lah..kong uah ah ne cheh'. But if was definitely bonding time.

Today, people doesn't seem to be doing that anymore..or maybe it's just people here. Was having dinner at a chinese restaurant - char hor fun with chicken. They don't peel the ends of the taugeh! This morning, bought a bag of taugeh and started peeling the tails when roommate walked into the kitchen. 'Ping, do you know that it's okay to eat the that (refer to the ends)?' I told her that I know it's edible but I've been taught to peel them before cooking or eating them. Maybe it's just me but I'm pretty sure a lot of us were taught the same thing too. I even remember that you'll see some of the hawker sellers sitting by their stall after the lunch crowd peeling their taugeh..or maybe not anymore since I haven't seen any for a long time. But while I was eating the char hor fun, I just couldn't help thinking - don't they peel off the ends before they cook them???

Unsatisfied, I cooked my own char taugeh with hae and some sambal belachan from Hup Loong...after peeling off the ends. Even if the taste is not much difference with or without the ends, it still looks better without it.

stitch

Look...it's Stitch! These pics are taken by ahboy and posted as per his request. Stitch is my cousin's dog and he's soooooo huge already...but I'm comparing him to JubJub, which is a lot younger than Stitch. Isn't he cute??? But then I like JubJub's color better (no I'm not being racist!)...it just reminds me of Pinky. Too bad Trappers Cove don't allow me to get dogs, but then hor, when I have to go home or go away for a while, who's going to take care of him/her leh? Never mind ler..I'll just go home and play with Stitch or JubJub.

It would be funny if he just stuck out his tongue and licks your camera lense. What did you do to get this picture? It's not like 'Stitch' leh...too kuai.

mini-lab

While all the incidents were going on last night, I started liquid chromatography of my fluorescent proteins through a hydrophobic interaction column. But my protein solution was too concentrated that it takes forever for the sample to go through the column. I was tired of waiting for it when the time past 3am so I packed up a little mini-lab to bring home the column and all the stuff I need so that I don't have to go in this morning. It would be disappointing if I missed it and my column dried out or if I got there and it was still a long way more to go.

Been able to get 3 columns done and went back to lab this afternoon to exchange new columns and get more elution buffer. No worries...only working with protein, not carrying any biohazardous material out of the lab.

science and fun

It's been a while since I can describe my weekend in more than a sentence. I was doing something else!

Let's start with Friday afternoon (yeah..it started on Friday!). Managed to get quite a bit done on Friday and still got home by 7pm. Just before I left, I was sitting in the conference room talking to Fan about the lab we TA for when it started raining. After a while, the rain stopped and a rainbow appeared!!! I wished so badly I had my camera with me but nope, I could just watch it and plant the image in my memory. It's the most beautiful rainbow I've seen. The 6th floor conference room window gave us a large, unblocked view of the complete rainbow, starting from one end to the other. I could even count all the 7 colors. It was just amazing. It lasted for quite a while too.

Went home around 7pm, laze around for a while just reading papers and surfing until I slept off maybe around 10pm. Woke up at 4am on Saturday morning to get ready to meet KH and JW at the loading dock of BPS. JW drove us down to Ferris State University for the MI-ASM Spring Meeting. It's been 2 years since I last attended a MI branch ASM meeting and I didn't expect to see anyone there except for my previous PI from WMU. So I wasn't surprised when we got there and she was the only person I knew. The reason we decided to go this year is because Dr. Breznak was giving a talk on physiological diversity in termite guts. KH and JW went to support and I went because I have yet to hear him talk. He was the first speaker and we were going to leave after that. But JW decided to stay for the 2nd talk. I'm glad he did because halfway through Dr. Breznak's talk, a bunch of people from WMU came in! The break between the first and second talk gave me a chance to catch up with them. It's nice to see people I haven't seen in a while and to hear what research they are up to. Listening to JA's work, I realized that I never did have a lot of interest in it when I was at WMU but right now, I am working on something similar. That's when I realized that my aim in life has changed quite a bit from 2.5 years ago. It was also nice to know that these people remembered me for my work, for the stuff I've contributed in the lab..and unfortunately, for my tiny writing too. I had a great time there! Both meeting old lab mates and listening to the talks. The second talk was about nitrogen regulation in Klebsiella which I did not understand much but I thought the speaker was really good.

By the time we got back at MSU, it was already 3pm. I stayed a while in the lab to get stuff going and came home for a nap and dinner. Went back to lab around 8pm to check on my proteins and went to a movie and band night on campus. They showed 'Hard Day's Night' by the Beatles followed by a local band, the Yellow Submarine, which is a Beatles Tribute band. They sang all the Beatles greatest hits and some other songs from well-known Broadway music shows. Went back to the lab after the band and found out that the -80 freezer temperature was at -58C. The alarm went off after a while and I panicked. We have a lot of glycerol culture stocks in there and it's not good if the temperature kept increasing....

It sure was too much to handle on Saturday which is usually my chill out day. But sometimes, I don't mind it, like this Saturday. It's nice to be doing stuff away from my norm once in a while.