Happy New Year!!

It's less than 6 hours to the New Year and it doesn't feel like the year is coming to an end. It's so quiet out here there's just nothing to remind me that a new year is coming. But coming online and opening Mozilla, the first thing I see on my Homepage - CNN.com - is the countdown celebration at Sydney, Australia. Wow..that sure looks like lots of fun. Fireworks, party, intoxication, music, chaos, etc...

So what have I done this year? Dad used to tell me that we have to celebrate everyday instead of when there's a big celebration, that we have to make every little detail in our life an accomplishment because it's a step towards our goal and it's learning how to life the moment. So let me rewind back my days of 2005.

- managed to maintain summa cum laude
- finished constructing the plasmid required to test my hypothesis
- travelled to Atlanta, GA, Chandler, AZ, and the latest, San Francisco, CA
- started my holiday scrapbook
- recovered very well from the breakup a year ago..yeah..it takes a year but hey, I did it!
- get to know a few more friends here in Lansing
- learned to format my laptop!!
- survived a car accident...yeah, this is definitely something to hurray about
- read the most articles ever!

...and few other little things. Now, what's my goal for this year? Not gonna set any resolution this year since my resolution last year only lasted 3 months. But the reality plans are...

- have my first committee meeting in April
- improve my teaching skills by the end of the semester
- overcome my driving phobia especially when turning left
- have both fun and science at Woods Hole
- pass my preliminary exam by November

... and of course, the little things too. But what to do to spend the rest of 2005 away? No party, no getting intoxicated..well, maybe a little Marguerita before I go to bed (*wink), no crazy atmosphere, no hot, sexy dude (not like there has been any.. *blush*) but guess what I can do...finish reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Yup! That's what I'm gonna do while people all over the nation countdown to 2006. Have been meaning to read it for quite sometime but never did got my hands on it. While I was at J's place, I saw it sitting on his bookshelf and asked him about it. But he gave it me instead so now there's no reason that I should skip it again.

So while the busy cities celebrate the night away with fireworks and loud parties, I'll enjoy my peace and having the time to read. I will not let anything interfere...everything else can wait till tomorrow.

Tour Guide

Just got back from California yesterday. Still in holiday mood when I was back home but coming in to the lab did boost my nerdy spirit a little. Refreshed all my cultures to get them going again for experiments I plan this coming week.

Back to my trip to California..the plane ride there wasn't very fun because I was really tired from the night before so I slept all the way. But the moment the plane touch down at San Francisco International Airport and I saw fresh green grass, I was so excited. That's the sad thing about being here in the MidWest - you only get to see fresh greenaries half of the year. From the airport, took the Bart Metro System, which is the subway system in San Francisco Bay Area, to Montgomery Bart Station, which is right in the middle of the town area. Walked from there to Broadway, which is where Green Tortoise Hostel is located. In the afternoon, it's a boring place. Not many of the shops are open so I walked to Grant St., which is the main street of Chinatown. The picture below is the popular arch in Jackie Chan movies. It's at the main entrance into Chinatown section of Grant St.


While walking along Grant St., I feel like I'm in Hong Kong. Everyone speaks in Cantonese and it seems like the Americans there are the foreigners instead of the other way around. There are shops with Chinese characters, shops selling the traditional medicine similar to those in M'sia, shops selling clothes that are really low prices, Asian markets that sells all kind of vegetables - brinjal!! - seafood restaurants, dim sum and shops selling electrical goods like cameras. The electrical shops kinda remind me of HK and the way they con people. I wonder if they do that here too. hehe..

I also saw this little tour guide here. It is called the GoCar. It can sit 2 people and it has a Global Positioning System (GPS) that brings you around the town. J and me were walking around at Golden Gate Park and we heard this GoCar that tells you about the place that you're at. Initially I thought it was a speaker from the park. But J saw the car and we figured it's the car. Isn't it cool? But I'm sure it must be costly to rent that. I also wonder if it is powerful enough to go up the slopes of SF. All the roads there are very hilly - kinda like the road near SM Taman Sea in PJ.



From this picture, you can also see the shop selling traditional chinese costumes. There are lots of shops that sell these costumes and fans, clogs, chinese-themed furnitures and decors.

More to come...

just zipit

I found this bag, called Zip-It, in the mall a couple of weeks ago and have yet to use it. It came in a small roll of zip and I thought it is kinda unique. When you zip it up, it becomes a bag or a small coin purse, depending on how long the roll of zip is.

I got the one that I can sling across my shoulder and can zip it up. I bought a few coin purse too just because I think it can be a nice gift whenever I would need one.

I will be going to San Francisco for a short trip tomorrow and I thought of this bag. It's small enough to be carried around and large enough for me to fit some necessary stuff like camera, purse, maps, hand lotion, lip balm, napkins, keys etc. It's also easy to carry since I can just sling it across my shoulder.

I have been waiting all month for this trip. I've been wanting to go to SF for quite some time but never did have the money for it and don't really know people around there. So now that I am earning my own money and have been working so hard all this year, I figured that I do need a good break, just to get away for a while, to relax and refresh myself. I'll be staying at a hostel and travel by myself so it would still be within my budget. Furthermore, the hostel I'll be staying is right in the middle of the city and it's walking distance to most of the places that I want to visit. At the same time, I get to visit J whom I haven't seen for almost 7 years I think.

~excited~

MSU vs. CSU

What to do on Friday night after finals is done? Initially I planned to stay home and watch movies but guess what..I got free tickets to the MSU vs. CSU basketball game!! Would I pass that up? Of course not!

My boss had to leave town for some meeting and his boys have their own basketball game to play in so he gave me and BC each two tickets. I asked MW to go with me and it was fun to have BC and his room-mate there because they knew all the 'rituals' to the game. They taught us how to clap to the Spartan Fight Song, to some of the cheerleaders songs and some of the cheers like the 'Go Green, Go White'.

Initially, the game was kinda confusing because the CSU Vikings were green and I'm used to seeing us in green. But eventually I got the hang of it when I realized which numbers were our players. We started out good but the guys start to miss hoops and drop the ball towards the end of the first period. Sometime during the second period we starting winning and ended at 83-75.

After the game, we brought CY to Denny's for his last American meal. He should be in KL by today.

~funtimes~

last exam

The snow have been around for a while now. The fresh falls are always pretty and refreshing but after staying down for a couple of days, they start to get annoying and depressing. Yesterday was one of the days..the temperature was not low enough for them to stay frozen so lots of them starts to melt and it makes the road slippery because the snow now become like a slush. Imagine someone spill 10 cups of 7-Eleven slush on the floor and we would have to walk over it. It doesn't get better later in the day when it started snowing again because the snow melts once it touches the ground. Walking on such weather is the worst but it's one of the days when I have lots of errands to run too..but hey, this is Michigan. Cycling is even worse because all the dirty snow will be splashed around and dirty my back. You would think I'm used to it by now but some things we just can't seem to adapt to..especially the cold skin-slicing wind.

Just finished writing my cheat sheet for Statistics exam in 4 hours. It's my last finals!! Don't have to go through general classes anymore!! I do enjoy the class but sometimes they just require so much attention that I have to sacrifice some of my research time and it makes me frustrated that research is going so slow. But I've come this far, 4 hours is worth the wait. I'll be soo relieved after this exam I can start concentrating on my research and hopefully I can get enough stuff done to be able to go to Woods Hole next summer.

~anxious~

he appears again...

August of 2004 was when I first saw him. I walked into class on the first day and he's sitting right there, leaning back on the chair with a face so cheerful that you can't help feeling delighted. As the semester passes by, we exchanged only a few 'hi and bye' kinda conversation. But having him in the class was a plus because it just brightens my day even though we never really talk.

When the semester ended, I never did see him again as he's not in my department. May 2005 came and off to Atlanta I went for the ASM Conference. It was there in Atlanta, during the MSU Mixer session that I got a chance to really talk to him and get to know a little about his work here at MSU. But that was it. We never exchanged any contact number or e-mail.

Yesterday, we had a seminar by the environmental microbiology candidate, Dr. Gemma Reguera. She already started her talk and the door opened...it was none other than this cute guy. But the one thing that touched me was - he looked my way and said hi! Not only that but after the seminar, as we were leaving, he looked back before leaving and waved again. That sure made my day!!

Isn't life amazing? How can a simple gesture like that made my day? When I hardly know that person? How can just being near the person makes me want to know him more? But will I ever get to know him more? We're from two different world..he's in the most prestigious lab on campus..not that my lab is not a great place, it is..but compared to his..it looks small. Does he ever think about me? Does he know that when he's around the corner, he lights up my day?

~bubbly~

Koala's Chocolate Cookies

Ever get addicted to a particular food? I get that often. I will crave for that food and keep eating it for a few weeks and will eventually get bored of it. Then I'll start to find something else that I become addicted to. Lately, it's the Koala's March chocolate filled cookies. I saw it at one of the oriental mart here in Lansing and wanting to keep some biscuits at home, I bought it. There are 10 small packets in this big box. Each packet has about 10 -15 cookies. After my first packet, I couldn't stop eating it. I just had to grab another packet. I managed to stop myself after the third packet...and there goes my lunch because I'm too full of junk food to eat lunch. But I've managed to keep my hands from getting more during the weekday since I only grab it when I get on the bus. That way, I won't have more to grab.

Wonder how long this craving will last before I get sick of it....

Liang Jin Ru

I usually don't buy cds at their original price but sometimes, we do things without thinking..a spur of the moment kinda action. I'm sure all of us have done something like that before right? It was one weekend when I just missed listening to this song so much and I couldn't find it on the net to download any. I had also stopped using Kazaa or any of those mp3 downloading programs since I won't be able to deal with any virus or spyware attack on my laptop. So I went to yesasia.com and bought the first cd of Liang Jin Ru - The Power of Love Songs (恋爱的力量 ) that I saw with the two songs that I wanted to listen to so badly. It's been two weeks since I received it and I have been playing it every single day. The cd is still in my laptop, haven't moved it since I popped it in the very day I received it.

I used to tease BK for listening to the same cd again and again as though there's no other songs to listen to and here I am doing the same thing. But I have yet to feel bored listening to it and for some reason, the two songs in there just seems to be very meaningful to me at this moment. One of the songs, 我喜欢, remind me of the simple days when life was so perfect, when we didn't have to ask for more, when I wanted the clock to stop ticking and freeze the moment. The other, 如果有一天 , makes me think about second chances and memories that occurred while this song was playing in the background. A question that we were both thinking of but neither dared to ask because we both knew and still know that there's no answer to that. But dare I hope that a wish so impossible will come true? Not exactly but I don't want to lose hope that one day I'll get back what I lost.

Thanksgiving break

Steamboat3, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

It's been a very unproductive break but one that is desperately needed. The holiday actually started on Wednesday, the eve of Thanksgiving day. Everyone in the lab left by 3pm and it was snowing heavily outside, making the atmosphere in the lab even less appealing. I wanted to be out there in the snow, taking pictures, feeling the snow falls onto my palm and the cold breeze of the night, which was not too cold. But I stayed in the lab until 5pm when S and CY came to pick me up for steamboat dinner at G's house.

G prepared steamboat..one I haven't had for a very very long time. The last one I could remember was at JL's house at Westbrook, Kalamazoo during CNY of 2003. That was when we found out JL has feeling for SC. It was revealed over a game of truth or dare I think...or maybe it was over a card game. I couldn't really remember but it was a very fun night. Simple with just a few of us close friends. Those were the days when everything was perfect even though life was hard.

But this year's steamboat has a very comfortable atmosphere too. It was just G's family, MW, S, CY, EF and me. We helped out with some of the dishes and set the table. G made both the spicy and plain soup. We had lots of fish/sotong/shrimp/pork balls, chicken, shrimp (!!!), quail eggs (!!!..I miss this soooooo much!!) and few other dishes. She even baked marble cake for dessert.

After dinner we helped put away the dishes and adjourn to the hall to play Mario 6 on Nintendo Game Cube. That was fun..but only when I was watching. I did so badly in the game that I hardly survive till the end of it. That shows how good I am with controller that has the joystick mode. I still prefer Playstation or GameBoy. I was glad I went as I had a good time and it's rare to get to meet these people with all our busy schedules.

Thanksgiving05e, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

On Thanksgiving Day, CY, S and me went over to TT's house for late turkey lunch. She cooked a huge 5 lb plus turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, wild rice and cream puffs for dessert. It was all great. We watched Jay Chou's Initial D over lunch and I'm glad I went too. Compared to last year's Thanksgiving, this year's Thanksgiving is definitely more happening. But the best Thanksgiving I had was sometime during college days at WMU. There was a big party over at Edmund's place. We had tons of food, but at that time, the best was SP's curry puff and CP's banana pistachio nut cake...other than the turkey of course. After all the noise and excitement during the party, BK and me had a quiet night watching a movie on his pc.

After lunch at TT's place, S dropped me off at UL's place for Thanksgiving dinner. Can you imaging how much food that is??? But dinner at UL's place is vegetarian since they are Jewish but the food were definitely unique. R, UL's wife made wild-rice stuffed squash which I really liked because she had pecans in them. Of course, the best was the pecan pie! After dinner we played a few games of Dominoes and I won during the last round!! UL dropped me off back home and I finally got a chance to talk to M. He came back from Washington for Thanksgiving dinner at his grandparent's place. He was suppose to pick me up for dinner there but his flight back to Detroit was delayed and he didn't want to miss dinner so I said it's okay, we can meet the next time he gets back or when I go to Woods Hole next year. So I had a nice night talking to him and even got a chance to talk to BK too.

Now, I just want to have a quiet Sunday, finish up some of the work I plan to finish before Monday and have some time with myself.

is it finally over?

Yesterday, I was organizing my schedule and planned to make this weekend free to catch up with work that I've missed.
- update my Statistics notes
- prepare my presentation for Tuesday
- read up the articles I've been meaning to
- cook something healthy
- and of course, some myself time

But had to push them back to tomorrow. S needs help moving to Detroit. I volunteered to help out since I don't really know that many M'sians here and I feel that it's nice to help among few of us that are left. It's also kinda nice to be hanging out with friends than to just stay home and be solitary. S came to pick me up at 8am this morning, went to her place to move the stuff into the cars and left for Detroit by 11am.

Her place is awesome!! It's exactly the kind of place I would love to get when I get a job and plan to settle down. She has two bedrooms, lots of closet spaces (!!!), her own dryer and laundry in the kitchen and of course a lovely dressing area. It's also a very nice and quiet neighborhood. Came back to Lansing at 2.30pm and CY dropped me off at the lab for me to take a picture of my SDS-PAGE gel. They came to pick me up at 3pm back to S and CY's place. S cooked udon noodle which was really good although it looks simple. Chat a little while after the meal and CY fetched me back to my place.

While it's just a simple day with friends, it feels comfortable. I did not kept thinking about things I need to do. No, it's a not a way to neglect my responsibilities. I know I have to work extra hard tomorrow to catch up but I think it's worth to spend the time with them. At the mean time, I also came to realize a few things. While moving, CY would watch out for me when I'm carrying something really heavy. He would carry it for me, pointing me to something lighter or help me out. It's not easy to find a guy like this anymore. He's not making me feel useless and yet he's being a very gentleman. I was also having a runny nose because of the warm weather today and he kept asking me if I'm okay. Before we left for Detroit, I told him that I have to go back to lab to get something done before the end of the day. Right when we arrive Lansing, he brought me straight back to the lab and insisted that he comes back to pick me up to get something to eat after that.

Where can we find guy friends who are so caring and aware? It's all these little things they do that catches my attention. Lots of guys think that if they get expensive stuff for their girls or if they bring them for an expensive dinner, their girl will be happy. But are the girls really happy that way? I remember FY used to shower me with all kinds of gifts. But what happened to us? Nothing. He didn't know how to show his feelings, or at least I didn't get it since I didn't think that feelings should be depicted through materials. Later, when BK came along, he wasn't the type of guy who buys lots of gifts, not even during big occasions. But he knew the little things that makes me happy. That's the one characteristic that made me freeze right there in his arms. For a long time, I thought that guys like this don't exist anymore. But today, CY reminds me that I'm wrong.

Today CY asked me how's things going between BK and me. I said that I hardly think about him and I don't sacrifice sleep and work to talk to him anymore. I also don't get upset so easily when he says things that seems like he didn't care. When I said it out loud, I realized that it's been a long time since I got upset over him, that it's been a long time I stayed up late hoping to see him come online and talk to him, that it's been a long time I toss the phone from my left palm to my right palm thinking if it's okay to call him, that I cry myself to bed thinking about all the things we could have done and of course, thinking how could he walked away at the time I needed him most. Does this means that it's finally over? Hmm.. I think he'll always be part of me since we've spent most of our teenage years together but it's time to close that chapter of my life and move on. Today, CY showed me that BK is not the only guy whom I can describe as 'my type'. He may not realized that he opened my eyes but if you happen to stumble upon this some day, thanks CY! At least for the next month I have someone to hang out with and still be myself.

It's snowing!!!

This is my fifth winter and it still amaze me to see the first few specs of snow. It was forecasted to snow sometime this week but I didn't expect it to start snowing in the afternoon. I stepped out of the building to cycle to class and I feel this soft ice clumps falling down. It's just such a wonderful feeling to be out there when it's snowing. It is still snowing heavily right now and the view from my lab window is just indescribable. Everything is white and the buildings stand out looking old but classic while the dim street lights brighten the path here and there.

Wonder if I'll ever be bored of snow...if not maybe I can stay here for a long long time :P

Carpe diem

Novsquirrelh, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

It's almost three weeks since the crashed and it still haunts me every now and then. These past few weeks have change my life a great deal. There's just so many signs telling me that I gotta slow down and treasure life. Time seems to passing through the gaps between my fingers without me actually feeling it.

When I spent the past Saturday hanging out with CY, I realize that I said lots of stuff that ended with 'I haven't done it in a long time'. The last time I went to the mall was about 4 months ago. The last time I went to a restaurant I like was about the same time too. The last time I took a walk around the campus was that long too. It all happened before I got the car. Ever since I got the car, I buried myself in work. I knew I could go home late at night, I could come in during the weekends, I could start early in the morning before even the sun comes up and I could even stay overnight. I kept working and working without taking a break. I got something I wished for but I took life, nature, and health for granted.

I haven't been online long enough to blog surf for quite sometime too and when I started doing that sometime this weekend, the first blog I got too was Tales of Zbjernak's entry on how a fish jumped out of the fish bowl to experience the life he could only see through the bowl. It's like before I got the car, I wanted to go places at times I like and not having to wait for the bus. Or to drive a long distance and just enjoy the scenery. But did I do any of that when I finally got the car? Nope. Every weekend was spent in the lab. I did not even go to the mall that is further away.

I also learned from the movie Saw2 that I just watched this past weekend. There's a line somewhere in there by Jigsaw who says that life is meant for those who treasure it (not the exact line..but you got the meaning). I totally agree with him. Thinking back, unfortunate things usually happens when we take something for granted. True, sometimes it's just plain bad luck. But I still believe that things happen for a reason.

I've been given a second chance and I am gonna make good use of it. Again, I believe that there is a reason my life was spared on that Saturday which I planned to work all day when I could have stayed home and catch up with time. From today on, I pledge to live a balanced life! Not gonna spend my entire weekend here in the lab anymore. Well..at least not all weekend. Gonna work hard and play hard! Just like this squirrel right here. It knows that it has worked it's way high enough to be safe from being attacked so right now it's just gonna stay there and enjoy it's view. There's still a long way to achieve what I want in life but I believe that the strength and motivation in me will guide me through a path of colors. Carpe diem!

Isn't fall lovely?

RedCedarNov05e, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

Had a chance to relax a little today and went for a walk around campus with CY to take some pictures of the Fall season. This is my favorite season of the year. It's comfortable enough to walk around without having to bundle myself in thick, bulky, suffocating winter coat that makes me look like a sack of potatoes and not warm enough to make me sweat after 10 minutes of walk. The scenery is also very breath-taking and makes me stop to remember that life is beautiful if we just take some time, pause from our busy schedule to appreciate what we've been blessed with. I also loves to see the colors of the leaves change from red to orange then to yellow and finally brown before they fall off. The picture above was taken from a bridge looking down to Red Cedar River, a river that runs across MSU, separating into the north campus and south campus. It’s a really beautiful addition to the campus but unfortunately, the pollution level of the river is beyond repair.

After the walk, we went for lunch at Ria Restaurant, a new Chinese restaurant in Lansing that also serves Malaysian food. I ordered Char Kuey Teow which amazed me that it was close to home but unfortunately, my appetite disappeared halfway through as it was too oily. CY ordered nasi lemak and it was really good! I might actually get that the next time.

We went to watch Saw II after lunch. It was short but I would give it a rating of only about 2/5. It was gruesome and kept me in suspense but I still like Stigmata better. I then intended to get a winter coat after the movie but I ended up buying two sweaters, a vest and a top which I don't need. Not forgetting, a GameBoy Advance game, A Series of Unfortunate Events. But since I haven't shop for 3 months or so, I think it is acceptable right?? :P

Apple Picking

apple, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

This was a few weeks ago when I got a free weekend and had a chance to join some Malaysians to go apple picking. Among the group, there were also some people from China and a Singaporean.

It was not too far away from Lansing and the apple orchard was privately owned. It was not a very big orchard since we finished walking around it within 1 hour but the amount of apples that one can get out of a tree is amazing. This picture only shows the apples from one of the main branch. Some branch has sooooo many apples that it could hardly hold the weight of the apples and was protruding towards the ground.

I got a bag of apples myself but I gave it away to my lab mates as I'm not a big fan of apples. Went there just to see an apple tree and experience apple-picking. But while I was there, I tried some of the apples and they are a whole lot better than the regular red apples we get. Definitely juicier! Kinda like Fuji apple...

crashed

It's been a week since the car crash. Physically, I'm feeling better. I went for a short jog yesterday evening and it was a little stressful on the bruises but it felt good to be able to run again. It was a little hard on the chest too but I'm sure it'll be fine if I learn not to wake up or reach up high using my chest muscles and shoulder blades too much. It'll actually be good for me to learn to use my abdomen muscles more. Otherwise, I'm feeling a lot better but still wishing that I don't have to look at the ugly scar right below my knees.

Emotionally, there's still flashes back of what happened but it always end right when the car is coming up towards me. Of course there's always part of me that wishes that I had not gone to work so early that morning, or that I had taken the parking permit from Steph the night before, or that I had not made the detour to that route but all I can say for now is, I'm glad to walk out of the car alive. It's still sad that I've finally got such an awesome car and now that it's just a piece of metal crap. But I'm thankful to all my angel guardians for protecting me. When I went back to look at the car again, I think it's a miracle that I am still alive. I could see the mark of the Ford Explorer when it crashes so close to my windscreen which shattered into pieces. It made me shudder with fear again but I remind myself that I am lucky to be alive so I should stop thinking about it.

But for the past week, I just didn't want to talk about it. I talked to my parents, talked to BK, talked to my lab mates for were all played a part in helping me to cope with the shock of the accident. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I talked enough. I just wanted to move forward, let it go and just keep it as memory which will always remind me to treasure life. But friends being friends, they care and they can't help asking what happened. I just couldn't cope with it anymore so I decided to go MIA. Furthermore, it's not easy to tell people what happened when I couldn't recall it myself. All I could remember was the car coming towards me and anything after that, it was all a blur. It was like me looking from a far, looking through a blurry glass. I hope that they'll understand that I'm not trying to push them away but I just have a different way to cope with situations like this and my way is to just share it with people who are really close to me and then I just have to be by myself.

I'm sorry if I hurt any of you but I really hope that you'll understand that I'm just not used to talking about things. Just being me...

Rowdies spoil Brazilians’ wedding ceremony

I'm pretty sure the entire Malaysia has seen this piece of news by now. I saw it this morning while surfing for my daily dose of news. It is such a shocking news. True, there are lots of unfortunate events happening lately (as in the past couple of years) that happens back home but this is just now something I expect to see at all. What were these people thinking? Don't they have family of their own? Don't they remember how it was like when they got married? The celebration, the happiness, the anticipation of a whole new life?

Jorge is a post-doc in our lab and he's a Brazilian. He's been here in the States for quite a number of years and he still loves his country. I wish I could say the same for myself but sometimes, when things like that happen, I just can't help feeling betrayed. Jorge and I work together side by side in the lab. He's been my leaning post ever since I joined the lab. He's my secondary mentor, in fact, I talk to him more than I talk to my boss sometimes. He's like a great brother to me. We not only talk about work but about life in general, I can talk to him about anything. In the mornings, we often talk about the news we read about what's going on around the world. I usually share news about Malaysia and he about Brazil. But today, after reading that headline, I was speechless. For the first time, I could not just turn my chair around and say 'hei Jorge, there's this incident in M'sia...'. I was so embarrassed to read that news and I feel so bad for that couple.

Sigh, sometimes I wish that there is something we could all chip in to do. But sometimes, it feels pointless because there's always gonna be these people who will spoil it all. It takes millions to built a strong structure but it only take one to destroy it.

~disappointed~

Cream crackers

Cream crackers, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

Can you believe that they actually sell this at World Market?? I found it there a few weeks back and was so excited. It's been quite a long time since I've had this. I used to bring this to school for recess treat when I was in primary school. At that time, it was just a regular 'kiam pia' from pasar malam. There's two different kind of 'kiam pia' (it translates as 'salty biscuit' but it's not salty but cream crackers doesn't sound right either because there's no cream in it..oh well). One of them, the plain one, is oily and taste buttery while the sweet one is sprinkled with coarse sugar. I used to eat the sugar one by itself but I love the plain cracker with bak hu (chicken floss).

It also taste really good to dip it with ABC soup (tomoto, potato and mushroom soup). But the cream crackers was long forgotten when Gardenia came along. Grandma would buy the Twiggies for my afternoon snack and if it happens to be chocolate-filled, it'll finish in two days. Then it was Toast Em Banana Nut Bread but that was a little pricy and we eventually went back to Twiggies again. I miss all these snacks soooooo much. For some reason, similar snacks here in the States taste a lot sweeter than those in Malaysia.

Ever since I bought the cream crackers, I've been thinking about 'tau eu bak' but haven't got a chance to cook it yet. We used to dip it with plain white bread, those that does not have an external layer of toasted skin, the cheapest kind but the unhealthiest form of bread as it is just filled with air, but cream crackers would suffice for now.

Thinking back about all these simple food, I can’t help but wonder how can life become so complicated over what to eat for dinner when in our younger days, butter and sugar on white bread tastes as good as Dunkin Donuts sugar glazed donut.

Cheat sheet

STT cheat sheet, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

I was looking through my old statistics notes from my undergrad and I found the cheat sheet that we are allowed to bring during exam. I actually amazed myself by looking at how tiny my writing could be. I never really look at it this way since I was writing it. Now that I'm looking back at it, it really does seem small.

This also showed me how much my writing has changed over the past 3 years. It's no longer roundish anymore but a narrower and my 'a's are definitely getting smaller while my 'f's are getting fancier.

I've heard people say that one can guess the character of a person by looking at his/her writing. Hmm...is that true?

SpectraMax M5

Wooohooo!! We finally got a new fluorometer and the best thing is, it’s a plate reader, it has a cuvette reader AND it’s dual monochromatic!!

Ever since I got the plasmid constructed, I was trying to detect fluorescence of the cells after induction with IPTG but was not very successful as the filters for fluorescence that we have on our microscope is specific for GFP. It does not allow me to distinguish between CFP and YFP. Before, I was using the TD-700 Fluorometer from Turner Design. However, it actually belongs to Dr. Marsh and they have started a live-dead assay using fluorescence proteins so they would need it back now. I could still borrow it but it was quite inconvenient as I would have to return it by 5-5.30pm before people in the lab leaves and sometimes I need it for more than a day, which wouldn’t be nice.

About a week back, Tom told me that a request for a fluorometer from the department has been approved. It was a shared award between him, Dr. Britton, Dr. Bagdasarian and a few other professors. I was so excited over it when we had the training. I am also impressed that is has both a cuvette and a micro-plate reader. Furthermore, it has the capability to measure fluorescence polarization if I ever need to. I’ve got a new toy! Here’s the baby – A SpectraMax M5 from Molecular Devices.

English week

An afternoon sometime this week, a sudden flash back of my high school days came to my mind. Like most high schools, we used to celebrate English week every year and being one of the few 'nerds' in my class, I was always part of the organizing committee or an active participant. When I was in Form 2, I remember singing in front of the school ( I can't imagine ever doing any of those again..public speaking still freaks me out). It was guided by one of my favorite teacher, Pn. Zainon. She was one who is very organized and make sure everything is in order for the function. We had to practice the song for 1 hour or so everyday. One would think that I would be bored of the song by the end of it but I actually liked the song so much that it was stucked in my mind even after the English week. I completely forgot about it until recently. I could think of the tune but I can't get the words out right and I couldn't even remember what was it about or what was the title. Then while I was surfing the net earlier today, I found this and everything came pouring back to me.

Jamaican Farewell

Down the way where the nights are gay
And the sun shines brightly on the mountaintops.
I took a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reached Jamaica I made a stop

Chorus:
But I'm sad to say; I'm on my way.
I won't be back for many a day.
My heart is down my head turning aroun'
I had to leave my little girl in Kingston town.

Sounds of laughter everywhere.
And the dancers swinging to and fro.
I must declare that my heart is there
Though I've been from Main to Mexico.

Chorus

Down in the market you can hear
Ladies cry out while on their heads they bear
Aki rice salt fish are nice
And the rum is fine any time of year.

Chorus

I was so happy to find this and now the tune is stuck in my head again. It just brings back such good memories about high school days when everything seems to be so easy going. When all I have to think about is finishing my homework for that day. It's funny how when we were younger, we think about what we would do when we are older and now that we're here, we tend to look back at those days. Oh well....just a nostalgic moment.

Nyonya kuih

Wedding day lunch, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

Yum yum..I was listening to the Hokkien Podcast by John Ong and I started to think about all the wonderful nyonya kuih. The nyonya kuih in Penang are so much better than those in PJ or KL. In fact, even those nyonya kuih sellers in PJ are mostly from Penang. When mum was working at States ( I think it's currently called New Town), we used to buy onde-onde from this old lady who has a small stall at a corner Chicken Rice shop. Unfortunately, when she got older, she was too tired to make them anymore so she stopped selling them since onde-onde takes up lots of work.

In Penang, we used to buy nyonya kuih from an Indian man who carries the kuih in a basket at the top of his head. He was selling kuih around our neighborhood at Batu Lanchang ever since before I was born but he passed away a few years before I came here. Now, we usually buy nyonya kuih from Pulau Tikus market. We've tried those from several different markets but I still like those from Pulau Tikus best.

The picture was taken during my cousin's wedding lunch. We served a variety of Western desserts - fruit cake, chocolate cake err..I can't remember the other two. The nyonya kuih varieties are ang ku (the salty one), kuih talam (I usually eat the white part only :P), purple kuih bengka (not one of my favorite), errr...I can't remember the other two. Hehe..I only know how to eat them! Too bad these are the kuihs which we can never get here in the States. That reminds me, I better get the recipes from my grandma the next time I see her...delicacies like these are getting rare.

my gum story

It’s been a while since I’ve been online for long. Haven’t been feeling myself lately. Was always feeling tired, all I wanted to do was sleep or just lie down on my bed and not think of anything. Even going for Nigerian food at Detroit didn’t seem to hit on any of my nerves (I love trying new food and going for a ride).

It all started one afternoon when I finished annotating the sequences for my finished construct, pMMB67EH-YLC, which I’ve been trying to build for the past year. I was so tired and planned to just have a slow night, watching The Notebook. I’ve seen this movie before but since it always put me in a good mood, I rented it again. After dinner, which was supposed to be ‘char bee hoon’ but I soaked the ‘bee hoon’ in the water for too long so it became more of chicken rice ball, but that was fine since it’s still edible, I pop the DVD into my computer but nothing seems to work. Everything that can be clicked on was not reacting. The only thing that worked was anything found in ‘My Documents’ folder. That pisses me off because there goes my night of just chilling at home. Went off to bed feeling down.

The feeling never did bounce up the next day either. I found a Windows XP CD from a friend and tried to install it but it wouldn’t work. BK walked me through it again and it still wouldn’t work. So we decided to try using the WinXP CD that came with my Dell laptop, which obviously is illegal but I had no choice. I really want the computer to work. It’s old but I love my computer. About one or so later, it worked! Unfortunately, it’ll only be valid for 30 days if I don’t register it, which I can’t since there is no wireless network card on my PC (I only have wireless connection at home). But at least I know there are no major problems with the hardware and I can think of an alternative while the 30 days run out.

Although my PC is up and running then, my spirit was still down most of the weekend. That was when my gum started to swell and everything I ate was tasteless or I can hardly eat more than 2 bites because it hurts. Then I started to get an infection and my lymph nodes start to swell too. Sometimes I could feel the bacteria multiplying themselves to overcome my immune system but of course, we humans are better at that most of the time. It gets so bad that I resolved to eat only porridge with carrots boiled so soft that I don’t need to bite it. Then on Sunday, it became so warm and painful that I was eating ice-cream all day. Yeah…I was sure having fun. TV and ice-cream. But NO! It was a struggle even to open my mouth. I had to talk with my teeth clenched together like I was angry.

I woke up this morning feeling really bad and that’s when I decided to stop this pain and go get some antibiotics. I could have made some in the lab but I don’t know what causes the infection so that’s when I think it’s wise to seek a Doctor’s advice. Got to Olin Health Center, waited for about 20 minutes and Dr. Huber told me that I’m getting a new tooth!!! I got the infection because there’s a new pore opening in my gums for my new tooth to come out and at the same time, the bacteria in my mouth found a new niche!! That was hilarious but I couldn’t laugh at that time because she was telling me the news while pressing on my lymph nodes. I could barely keep the tears from falling down.

However, will get the confirmation on Wednesday after I get an oral x-ray. I sure hope it’s not or if it is, it will still have space to come out. I don’t wanna go for an oral surgery. That would suck big time. But now that I know my gums will be better, I feel better although my spirits are not sky-rocketing yet. It will be once I can turn without feeling the lump in my neck, swallow without hurting, chewing happily away and knowing that it’s not a wisdom tooth but merely an infection.

such a quiet night...

While I was walking out to dinner a few hours ago, I looked up the sky and am surprised to see it filled with stars. I used to love going for walks at night and stopping by the park, sitting on the swing while gazing into the sky. As I did that today, I wondered why I stopped doing that. The realization also made me realized how much I miss the company of the person who used to that with me. Then I started wishing that I don't have to be out having dinner by myself and that I don't have to be walking across campus on such a lovely night all by myself. It's when thoughts like this cloud my mind, I feel so down.

But that was a good walk. One I should be doing more often. One that has freshen me up while stuck in this lab all week long except when I go home to sleep. It's a very peaceful night after all the chaos happening in the day time with the students coming back for classes. I get to enjoy a lovely dinner - Char siew pui (barbeque pork rice) - without having to rush.

I may not have the person to accompany me for walks anymore but at least I still have myself. At least I still remember the things that makes me happy.

Penang Hokkien Podcast

I miss home soooooooooooooooo much!!! I was reading kstang's blog and decided to check out the site he recommended - Penang Hokkien Podcast. The moment I heard the Hokkien accent, I just wish so much that I am still that good at Hokkien. It reminds me of the words that are hardly used these days due to excessive English influence from the States. That's also because no one speaks Hokkien here. Some of the Penangites here doesn't seem to know Hokkien very well as part of their family are of the Cantonese origin. It's sad to know that not many people seem to know Hokkien very well anymore, especially the one from Penang.

The Podcast seem to remind me of all the 'si ku, go ku' that my ah kong used to tell us when we were kids. I wish I remember more of it but frequently, mum still likes to say 'U lui kai bo lor' whenever I get something which she thinks should not be spent on. Literally, it means 'got money spend no road' but the meaning behind it is that the money has been spent foolishly. There's also the often heard 'Bo tua bo sae' when we don't greet a visitor when they come to our house with 'aunty, uncle'. It brings the meaning 'impolite' or not showing respect to the elders, although it literally means 'no big, no small'.

first accomplisment

My first attempt towards designing a proposal for my research thesis is to create a plasmid that carries a fusion proteins of 'enhanced cyan fluorescent protein - betagalactosidase - enhanced yellow fluorescent protein'. The plasmid has already been created but in order to make use of the plasmid, I have to transfer this fusion gene into a broad host range plasmid so that I can transform the plasmid into a large variety of bacterial species.

My approach for the transfer was to amplify the fusion gene by PCR, digest the amplified fusion gene and my broad host range vector, pMMB67EH, with restriction enzymes SmaI and XbaI, and clon the fusion gene into pMMB67EH. Initially I was having trouble with my PCR and it was solved after about a month. Then I couldn't get any positive transformants after I ligated the fusion gene into pMMB67EH. For the past 3 months, I've been changing one variable at a time, trying to find out the best conditions for the ligation. I was also trying different ways to obtain the DNA preparation without losing too much each step. But again and again, I've been getting white colonies on LB Amp-IPTG-Xgal.

Finally, I found a blue colonies! However, these colonies were initially white. But after spending last whole week screening these colonies, it has finally been confirmed that they do carry the plasmid that I have been aiming to construct. Phew!! This is a big step towards preparation for my research proposal. I finally have a thesis subject!!!

Now I'm looking forward to finding out more about the expression characteristics, which seem to be quite weak as I could not see any fluorescence under the microscope even after 6 hours of induction with IPTG. But knowing that they are blue when grown in the presence of IPTG and XGal, they are definitely expressing the gene. Woohoooo...I'm sooooo happy to achieve such accomplishment. At least it's a happy start of my PhD career.

getting there

Woohooo! I finally got blue colonies. I was looking through my old plates (about 2 weeks old) so that I can throw away the unnecessary ones. As I got to a set of plates from August 8, I saw blue colonies. That was VERY surprising! I looked back in my lab notebook and my comment was ‘No blue colonies (’. So how come there are blue colonies on the same plates now? The blue colonies are also very dark blue and definitely seem to be growing fine.

Without hesitating further, I picked the blue colonies and streak them on LB plates supplemented with ampicillin, IPTG and X-Gal. There were 8 of them. The next day, I found that only 6 of them were still blue. The other two had reverted to white colonies. I am not sure what they mean but it’s an indication that these clones are not very stable. Delighted to see that these blue colonies are indeed expressing the lacZ gene, I inoculated them for plasmid prep. Isolated the plasmids yesterday and digested them today. Just before I left, I managed to analyzed the bands from these digestion and guess what…they ARE DEFINITELY different from my vector and from the plasmid that my gene came from. This is good news! It does mean success yet but definitely a step forward. At least I have something to troubleshoot on now. I was about to give up as I was repeating the same protocols again and again, changing one factor at one time.

Came back here after dinner to look at the restriction digestion patterns of the plasmids. They are close to the prediction based on my calculations but something is still not right. Will be digesting with different enzymes tomorrow to get more patterns. Will also have to start writing up a new protocol to confirm the expression of the gene. Woohoooo!! Maybe I can finally give Tom (my boss) the green light to buy the fluorometer.

seafood dinner

Just finished organizing some of the photos I took while on vacation back home. I came by this picture and started to feel homesick. When I was still in Malaysia, we used to have 'lean lor' (steamboat) on the eve of Chinese New Year every year. It was always an occasion where everybody is there. This is at my maternal grandma's house since my 'gee kim' is always the best cook and she stays there.

As years goes by, our two oldest cousins, J and C left for studies in United States. Later, my 'tua ee's' family would skip the event as they have to go over to her husband's side in Kelantan. Then there was a few years when dad couldn't make it back from China during CNY. Just the year before I left to come to US, it was almost a very quiet celebration. When I left, it became even quieter as Mei, my closest cousin, also left for her studies in Australia. My parents would also skip it as they were both in China the past few years. However, it was maintain until today that it is a reunion regardless of how many can make it.

It's been a long time since we've had the chance to gather like this again. So this past reunion dinner, which was a pre-celebration of Aaron and Emily's wedding, is a very important occasion to me. I had a chance to chat with Mei and Ling. My dad was the 'crazy uncle' he always was. All our mums were cooking together in the kitchen. The ahmah's were exchanging about the latest health topic. Jokes were shared, laughters continuously, smiles naturally on all our faces. It'll always be a memorable occasion. Even better was the food - it's all homecooked by my gee kim. We had steamed crab, balitong (that's my fave!!), char bee hoon, fried belachan chicken, 'hae kean' (deep fried prawns), some kind of shell which took a lot of effort to get the meat out and fried fish (can't remember what but they were good!, next to the balitong). We also got cold sparkling wine sponsored by Aaron.



It'll be a very long time before we get to gather like this again. The only people missing from there are J and C as they are still here in the States and my bro who could not get off from work in KL. There's more pics from that night's dinner here.

laundry

Laundry area are provided here in my apartment complex like most apartments do. Here we have four dryers and four washers for each apartment block, which consists of 36 units. There is hardly any problems when it comes to availability of the dryers or washers since the laundry area is open from 8am to 10pm, 7 days a week. We are given keys to the laundry room as it is locked to prevent outsiders from using it. The washers cost USD1.25 while the dryers cost USD1 and they are most of the time quite efficient. However, I have clothes from Malaysia which tend to shrink in the dryer under the hot cycle.

Yesterday, I was in the laundry room sometime in the mid-afternoon loading my clothes into the dryer. I was loading my dark colored clothes into one while my light colored clothes into another. There is two other washers and one of them seems to be occupied as the cover is closed. Since it was closed and there are other washers available, it didn't bother looking into it as it has nothing to do with me. So while I was loading my clothes, this aunty walked into the room, opened the closed washer, picked up a pair of shoes and walked out. The moment I saw the shoe, I was stunned. She acted like there wasn't anyone in the room. Did not even look at me and say hi, which is very common here in Michigan, especially from the Americans.

I've heard of friends talking about washing your shoe in the laundry washer but I've never known people who actually does it. How disgusting is that??? I'm gonna make a note to myself never to wash my clothes in that particular washer anymore. Thank God she didn't put it into the dryer, which will be worse! But then again, she might have done that before or have used other washers before too. Ewwwwww!!! How sick can these people be? So inconsiderate! I wonder how dirty is her shoe..urhg! i don't even want to think about that.

Please please please do not ever wash your shoe in the washer, unless it is specified to be for shoes only. How hard can it be to wash your shoe in the bath tub or in a pail?

free ice-cream!

Sometime after 1.30pm, just after I thawed my restriction enzymes buffer and DNA, the whole lab was pitch black. There was a power failure and apparently it was bad enough that it involves the entire campus. Someone called the power plant and was told that it might take at least an hour. However, after about 30 minutes, the electricity was still not back yet. We couldn't really do anything..

I wanted to digest my DNA and heat-inactivate a previous digestion - I need water baths.
Steph wanted to measure DNA concentration - involves the fluorometer.
Uri wanted to run PCR - needs a thermocycler.
John was looking through his slides - needs a microscope.
and the list goes on for other people...

Then we heard that the Dairy Store is giving out free ice-cream!! It's free! Who wouldn't go for it? So we went over there, lined up for like 10 minutes and got ourselves a free single scoop of ice-cream. I didn't got my favorite - Rocky Road - I got the orange sherbet instead. But hey, it's free! So no complains. They had to do that because the ice-cream were melting and there's no way they could sell that after that. The news travelled so fast that all the ice-cream was gone within an hour.

Unfortunately, when we were done with the ice-cream, the power was still down. So we decided to pack up and leave. Everyone left and I stayed back to lock up the doors. Just as I closed the door, the electricity came back...so I ended up staying.

a lovely evening

It's been such a long time since I spent some time doing stuff I enjoy. Did not plan any huge experiments today as I had to go down to Kalamazoo to pass something to a friend. Went there for lunch, catch up with some friends and just to be away from Lansing for a while. Planned to come back to Lansing before the Folk Festival end but time passed so fast when I'm having fun. It was nice just to sit down and chat about everything without having to worry about time.

So I missed the Folk Festival this year but it's okay since I'm not a big fan of folk songs either. Went back to lab for a short while after that - yeah, I still can't let go completely, it's tough, there's just too much aura in the lab that attracts me back there - Came home, had dinner and I couldn't help wanting to tell somebody all that I've done today. It's a weird feeling. I just wanted to send him an e-mail. But then after I start typing about two paragraph, I realized that maybe I'm telling too much. But I sent it a while ago anyway, hoping to hear from him tomorrow or soon. I hope I'm not getting myself into trouble.

But now I have the entire evening just to read, laze by the window, listening to my favorite songs, looking out at the changes of color as night falls and just let my mind wander endlessly. I might even be able to catch a movie if I can find something interesting in my yet-to-be-watched DVD collection. It's refreshing. I hope this short break will be good to motivate me to keep going in my experiments that have yet to bring success.

excitement

The past few days have been quite a hectic days. Whenever I told myself that I should cut down on the number of experiments I plan to do in a day so that I can go home before 8pm, it never seemed to work. Once I get one thing done, it leads to another experiment.

At the mean time, it's been quite fun days. Have you ever had days in high school when your crush or the person you admires so much past by you and your heart starts to beat faster? Or when you feel like you have to say all the right things to this one person? It's been like that these past few days. I have yet to meet the person but that's exactly how I feel. When the phone rings, my mind start to search for the right thing to say. Should we talk about this? Would he care? Am I telling too much? What if he gets bored? But after a while, all those thoughts are gone and we're just chatting happily away like we've known each other for a long time.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing that I want to do is to check my e-mail. Did he have time to e-mail me last night? Did he think of me last night? It's not love. No, at least I don't think so. I've yet to met the person but it never once crosses my mind to wonder if he's fat or thin, ugly or good looking. I wonder why? I usually do wonder when I meet a person online. But this time it's different. There's just the need to talk to him, to share stuff with him or to just have fun and joke. Even just thinking of him makes me smile. Furthermore, we have so many common interest together that it feels good to know that someone actually do understand the importance of my work. And how often can one find a guy who likes to go for a walk? It's rare. It's weird that when we talk, we make plans about where to go and what to do. But if feels right. It might not happen but knowing that I've explored this in mind with someone...it just feels good.

It's a rare vivacity.

First car

First car back, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

I've been away from the 'virtual' world for quite sometime. I do leave my MSN online but have not been able to reply any of the messages I've got. This was not due to me ignoring my friends and family but I've been busy trying to juggle work and also settle some stuff = my new car!!!

I started looking for a car early this year as some of you has read in my earlier entries. Ever since I came back from M'sia, the need to have a car became more important as it's hard to plan my experiments all at the same time and that takes up a lot of time. Furthermore, it's nice to be able to go home and get some dinner before coming back here to work.

On Saturday morning, I went down to Kalamazoo to check out a Honda Accord. However, it wasn't a very well-maintained car and heeding the advice of a friend who is experienced in car mechanisms, I decided not to go get it. But on the very same day, a new listing for a 97 Honda Accord came out on cars.com and we went to check it out. It was at Battle Creek. We went there, test drive it, checked the car and asked a few questions, within 40 minutes, I issued a check for the car.

But the owner wanted cash as she's moving to a different state. So I came back to Lansing on that same night, worked on Sunday, get the cash on Monday morning and took the train back to Kalamazoo. My friends there brought me back to Battle Creek to get the car and settle the payment. I drove the car back to Lansing from there, got my insurance settled and went to register it yesterday morning. Lastly, I got a parking permit for the year this morning.

*phew* It sure was an adventure for my boring life. This together with all the events that had happened to me over the past three months have been the most exciting part of my life since a very long time. Work just seem to take part of my life away..and it's a huge chunk.

I'm just so happy to finally find a car and at a reasonable price. Now back to work..boss is back.

burnt

Yesterday night was the worst night I've ever had. I was doing gel extraction all day and have been looking at my gels with the UV light illuminator. I usually don't wear goggles when working with the illuminator since it's only a few minutes. However, I used the illuminator multiple times and I didn't realized that the UV was starting to affect my eyes.

Around 9pm, I head to the bathroom before leaving for home. As most other girls would do, I looked into the mirror while washing my hands and realized that my eyeballs are blood-shot red. I know that my eyes are tired as my contact lens was getting dry. But I've worn the contacts for more than 24 hours straight and I know that once I get a chance to wash it, it'll be fine. So I didn't think it was a big deal and the redness was probably due to improper cleaning of my contacts. I got home around 10.30pm, took out my contacts and laze around before going off to bed at around 11.30pm.

At 12.30am, my eyes started hurting. It felt like I've been swimming without goggles in a highly chlorinated pool for hours. In Hokkien, I would describe it was very 'siap' and at the same time, 'si'. So I tried to open my eyes and tears started to fall. It was worse than crying as the tears came down like rain was dripping from my head downwards. It hurts even more and I had to squint my eyes shut. I groped my way to the bathroom in the dark, switched on the light and tried to open my eyes. I got to it after a while and realized that I can hardly see anything clearly. I washed my eyes as best as I could and it still hurts. Since there wasn't anything I could do about it, I went back to bed and tried to sleep. But all I could do was just lay on the bed and cried. I wasn't really crying either since it's not an emotional thing. The tears kept falling and in the end, I just cried myself to bed.

This morning, I woke up just a few minutes before my alarm clock rang. I tried to open my eyes and it was sealed shut with my dried tears. So I peeled open slowly and all I saw was a blurry image of my room. I thought I should try to adjust my eyes to the dark first so I hide under my blanket and opened my eyes. I could then open my eyes and tried to look around my room. It was still a little blur but decided to just get to work. Took my bath, washed up and I put on my glasses. I realized that it's still blur. That sucks. So I took a deep breath, peeled my eyes open and tried my best to put on my contacts without crying.

Got to work this morning wishing that I had stayed home. Unfortunately I've already made the cultures to prepare electrocompetent cells and I don't want to delay anymore as time is already running out. Felt better after a while but I still have to wear my sunglasses every once in a while when my eyes get too tired. Can't look at the computer screen for long either. Definitely not gonna run any gel or extract any DNA today. Hopefully I get to finish these cells early and get back into my room, close all the curtains and just stay in the dark.

Lesson learned..prevention is better than cure. Goggles shall be worn at all times when utilizing any equipment that emits UV light.

an unfortunate event

Barbeque, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

The past Sunday was just like any other Sunday except that this time I went to look at a car. I got home around 7.30pm, do some small things here and there and came online to check my mails. The moment I signed in to MSN Messenger, CY messaged me. His housemate, Lim Jiang Wei was pronounced dead due to drowning. His exact words was that 'his body is in the hospital'. I thought that he was in a serious condition in the hospital so I said "wish him get well soon for me" when he was leaving for the hospital. That's when he told me, "No, he died". I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. This shouldn't be happening. He's the only son in the family, he has yet to see his parents for quite sometime, he was just having fun, he's only one semester or rather two classes away from graduation and he's a great friend to have around. It's just not fair.

I am not very close to him but we've hanged out a few times together with other Malaysians. I have came to know that he's fun and he's good at bowling. The last time we met was during a picnic event followed by bowling. He was really good at the game but was not boastful at all. Adeline and me were not playing that night as we are really bad at it. So he sat by us between his turns and explain the game to us. It was a fun night. On Sunday, I was just asking CY if he's gonna move in with him soon as he's still bunking over at another friend's place. Just hours later...the news got to us.

The official news came out on Monday in Muskegon Chronicle and on Tuesday in State News. Earlier today at 4pm, a memorial service was organized by the Office of Internatial Students and Scholars to honor him. His close friends had made a website to remember him. Although I wasn't very close to him, knowing that I have the opportunity to cross-path with him makes me feel very lucky. It was also very nice of the Engineering department to grant him his Bachelor's of Science in Engineering. Unfortunately, they had to present it to his parents.

May God bless Jiang Wei...you'll always be remembered in our memories.

cars

I have been thinking of getting a car since early this year but the finding has yet to be fruitful. Initially I didn't know what car to get and thought that most cars are too big for me. After driving Nok's car (Honda Civic Coupe) for quite sometime, I find that it's actually not that big after all. When I was back at home, the largest car I drove was Proton Wira aeroback, which is not very big compared to most Japanese and American cars. So I think it's an improvement in my driving skills as I now feel more comfortable driving a larger car.

That had increased the choices of cars I'm looking at - Honda Civics or Toyota Corolla, ideally VW Golf. However, I feel that my budget is way below the prices of cars available here. I don't intend to get new cars but just simply want a car that has a total mileage of less than 100K. Unfortunately, cars with such low mileage seems to cost more than USD6K, which I feel is too much to spend on a car that I will be using only for 5 years or so.

Does that mean that I should increase my budget or am I just looking at the wrong place? I'm been looking through our MSU network, the local newspaper classifieds, and online car listings. Maybe I should just stick to taking the bus and cycling. That's a lot cheaper than getting a car even in the long run. But not having a car also means that I don't get to go around and taking the bus seems to be taking up too much time. It's also hard to set up experiments that require attention 24 hours as I can't come back later at night.

Why is it so hard to get a car?

jet-lagging

Was awakened a while ago by some alarm going on downstairs. I left my door open when I went to bed hoping that my bag is still gonna get here. Unfortunately, they either did not get here or I was too dead to hear any knocks on the door.

Can't seem to get back to bed now. It's probably jet-lagging effects. There isn't much to do at this time of the day..so I started surfing the net and I couldn't help checking out the prices of air tickets and hotels at Vegas or Chandler. BK is currently at Chandler and he has been bluntly asking me to go over to spend a weekend with him. Part of me really wants to go there but part of me asks - is it worth it to spend that much amount of money for a weekend with the guy I know that I'll never get? But then again, if I don't go, will I be wasting the opportunity to be with the love of my life for one weekend?

Maybe it's time I thread lightly on this path of my life. Just go along with the flow, do what my heart says and not think about it so much. Furthermore, he's still single at this point of time. Why should I be the one thinking so much about it? Why should I be the one worrying about him being playful? Like a friend have said before, flirting can be the most fun activity. Yeah..I shall set my mind on that.

back at Lansing

Arrived Lansing a little before 3pm after what seemed like a neverending flight on Korean Air from Penang. Left Penang at 1.05am Monday morning with a heavy heart. Due to my dad's 'the-early-the-better' character, I was at the airport at 10pm. After checking in, we sat at Coffee Bean drinking hot chocolate and talk about the house, the garden, me getting a car, me getting a green card and etc. At 12.30am, it was time for me to go to the gate. All of a sudden, tears started pooling in my eye and all I could do was hug my dad tightly and cried. I didn't want to let go. I did the same with my mum. I've done this many times and like the first time, I didn't want to leave and the tears never seem to wanna stop. I cried all my way to the boarding gate and just sat there, wishing that I have more time with them.

When I left home to pursue my bachelor's degree, I never did expect to leave home for such a long time. All I had in mind was that I want to go home after I finish my degree. It was set to be that way until that very last year of my degree. I got really interested in research and the appreciation I received from my professors, professors who didn't know me, from peer researchers, it was all very motivating. I knew that if I want to continue towards success, I would have to stay here. At the same time, the expectation of family members for me to stay is so high that it became part of the reason I stayed. Today, I wished that I had stayed home a few years before pursuing my higher degree. But since I'm already in the middle of it, I will finish it and this time, I am going to go home to find my destiny. If I can't find it at home, I'll roam again. But I'll definitely take the time off to stay home.

The flight from Penang to Incheon was a disastrous one. I was having a bad cold and a heavy head. I slept most of the way until they served breakfast, which was just some fruits and yogurt. I am a huge fan of yogurt but at that time, nothing seems to appeal to me. I picked on some fruits and went back to sleep. However, I can't go back to sleep this time as my meninges seems to be filled with fluid. I can't blow them out and the pressure was killing me. I was holding onto my head all the time. As the plane started descending about an hour later, it hurts even more as my ears are now hurting too. It felt like my head was going to burst due to excessive fluid. Thankfully, the pain was gone when the plane touched down.

I arrived Chicago at about 10.30am this morning. I brought my luggage to clear the custom requirements and went straight to United Express counter to request for an earlier flight. I got the 1.10pm flight and was so glad. However, I didn't thought that my luggage might not make it because it was still at the international terminal at about 11.30am, when I brought it for custom clearance. But I didn't want to spend 6 hours at the local airport because there is nothing much to do there. My cell phone was out of battery so there's noway I can call anyone to chat. There is also no wireless connection so I can't really do much.

Arriving Lansing at 2.50pm, I waited for my two baggages. One arrived but the other still seemed to be filed as missing. I took a cab straight home and took a bus to the lab. I tried to call Nok from there so that she don't go over to the airport to pick me up. But until now, I have yet to get my other baggage. It was supposed to arrived tonight when they called me around 8pm. Should I wait or should I just go to sleep? Keeping my cell phone charger in a check-in bag is probably the dumbest thing to do but I didn't realize that the battery is still being drained even if the item is switched off all the time. How dumb...

trip to KL

Haven't had the chance to update for quite sometime. I was trying to change the look of my blog but before I got to change anything, I had to borrow my laptop to my uncle. Was also away in KL for the past two days. It was a very short trip meant to meet up with some old friends.

Got a ride from BK to KL. I was afraid it was gonna be awkward because I didn't really know what to chat with him and plus we just had an argument just the night before about who's being understanding. But after the first half an hour or so, the tension seemed to disappear into the air and it was actually comfortable. It felt okay to just be silent and enjoy the ride. It was also helpful that he seemed to remember some of the stuffs we used to share and it felt okay to talk about it with him. We went for dinner when we got to KL and he was soooooooo nice that he asked me to make the choice..I suggested Murni at SS2. We went there last year the night before I left for the States and I like the mango drink they have there.

He brought me back to my place after dinner and I wished so badly that we could have more time. But I know that no matter what I do..there's where it'll end. But I wasn't upset for long as I went out right after that to meet up with my friends from high school - EF, San, Irene, Kenny and Kas. We met at Ming Tian for a drink but it wasn't a lot of catch up since I was missing most of the stuff they talk about. Edmund ( a frequent anonymous commentor on my blog) came shortly after that and San, Irene, Kenny and Kas left. Edmund and me then left for Zouk.

Zouk was fun - drink and dance..what more can I ask for? Plus a really sporting guy by my side. But the crowd that was there kinda surprised me. It was a culture shock in my own country. But I shall not elaborate it here because I might be offending certain group of people.

Despite the fun I had that night, when the alcohol effects disappeared, I couldn't help thinking about the question BK asked me - Do I want to go over his place? I really wanted to but I know that it's not the right thing to do. It's wrong. Very wrong. But when he called me sometime around 1am..the urge to go over was even stronger. So after we left Zouk, Edmund brought me there. I guess at that point, only Edmund could understand how I felt because I know that if it's an outsider, that would be the most foolish thing I could do. But he never did looked at me a different way than he usually think of me. He respected my decision to go over.

I was at BK's place until 8am the next day. All the time, in my mind I kept telling myself it was wrong to be with him even if it's just sitting there next to him. But it felt right. It felt in place. It wasn't awkward. It was comfortable. He said it's okay. I told him that it's wrong. But he said that it feels right to him. The next thing I know, it was 8am and it's time for him to send me home. I was sad but I know that I should be happy because that was one more day with him when I can be myself. No more tears to flow down because I know that there are still things that need to be solved between us and the time is not here yet.

back to original

Managed to reload the original one but still can't seem to change the borders to fit my photos. Aik..but I'm sleepy already. How in the world does people manage to read all those codes and decipher them? It's like a totally different language.

screwed template

Since I had some time last night, I tried to play around with my template and was trying to make the entry section wider so that I the photos can fit in nicely without overlapping with the sidebar. Unfortunately, while messing around with the size, I changed the position of the side border and I have no idea how to change it back. Now I'm still trying to play with it. Anyone wanna help? Maybe I should just change the entire template.

Busy Bangkok

Busy Bangkok, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

This picture was taken outside Central World Plaza, which is a shopping mall. There are also other smaller shopping malls around the are and at the end of the street is the largest 'Si Bin Hood' which is known to be very 'sia' (meaning any wish made will come true) but one would have to come back and thank the 'Si Bin Hood'. I don't know how true it is but if my wish does come true, I will definitely come back.

Not knowing much about Thailand, I am surprised to find out that Bangkok is so much more advanced compared to KL. It shows how much we are still lacking behind. It is also very internationalized as there are lots of Western food chain franchises and shopping malls with branded clothes. There are also lots of people and cars everywhere. This is so unlike shopping malls in Penang, which are such an eye-sore. There are hardly any shops left open, especially in Prangin Mall and Komtar.

I don't think I can ever drive in Bangkok. They drive so close that you can literally roll down the window and touch the car next to you. You would have to squeeze in to get into a lane or else you'll be stucked there forever. The jam is also very bad that it can take 5 times longer to get to a place during peak times. We took cab to get to places and they are very cheap. They don't charge extra for 4 people either.

Bangkok

Just came home from Bangkok, Thailand on Tuesday. It was a one week trip of fun, laughter and of course, tiring too. Will elaborate more when I get the chance to.

We are currently busy preparing for the my cousin's wedding - Aaron & Emily - this Friday at Park Royal. All my cousins, aunties and uncles are back too so it's one of the big family gathering. In fact, it's even more 'lau juak' than days during the Chinese New Year. So we girls are also busy updating each other about our 'busy' lives.

I also had the chance to go out with BK yesterday night after the delicious home-cooked seafood at my grandma's place yesterday. My cousin, Mei went along with us and it was fun too. We went to Coffee Bean at Gurney Plaza and just chat. But it's still not easy being friends...my mind was tumbling along a busy road.

Pickled fruits

Balik Pulau - pickles, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

Went to Balik Pulau on Saturday to get some rambutan, mangosteen and durians from the fruit farm. Grandma was talking to an aunt of mine who is staying there so dad and me took a walk to the market. These are pickled fruits soaked in some diluted vinegar. I love the ones made with mangoes. I saw the honey dried strawberries mentioned by 5xMoM at the market but it didn't look very appetizing to me. This M'sian delicacy is actually not very clean as the container are usually not tightly covered while some are not even covered at all. Since they are sweet, the flies tend to feed on them, some ended up drowning in the vinegar. However, I have yet to know anyone who face health complications eating them. They're good!!

Home garden

Home corner garden, originally uploaded by lilsQuirr3l.

This is the far corner of the triangular-like garden that we have. Parents and grandma have put in a lot of effort and money into this garden, giving our home environment a sense of nature instead of just a plain, concrete home. We have various kinds of fruit trees - mango, ampela (some kind of mango), lemon, keat lah (a type of lime), longan, papaya, durian (coming up soon) - vegetables - brinjal, cabbage, lady's fingers, chilli padi, pandan, basils - and of course, flowers and green plants! Dad also arranged it in a way that one can walk around the garden to look at the different plants and there are places to sit and chat. It is this garden that gives my parents and grandma something to pass their day with. Grandma spends her entire morning and evenings watering and weeding the plants. I'm so proud to have this garden. Dad is planning to create a flowing pond right now.

dim sum

Had dim sum for breakfast this morning at Long Beach. I just realized how much I miss the food when I had my first bite. Went for a short walk over at Lone Pine beach and came home around 11am. It feels so great to just do nothing and not have a schedule that I have to follow. I think I really do deserve this break and I think it's a good time to break because I were to continue, I would probably not be able to come back until end of the year. That means I would have miss the wedding and that would not be very happy outcome because I have never missed a family function except for ahkong's funeral, which I had no choice.

Talked to BK today too. It's kinda nice since it's like an update kinda call. He mentioned something about glad that I'm back home and going out tonight. I have no idea where are we going but I really do want to see him. But I don't really know how to react around him as friends. We've been together for so long I just don't know the right thing to say now..sigh, why does it have to be so complicated?

But life is just great at the mean time. It's just wonderful to be home with both my parents and grandma and just to spend time with them. It's been a long time since I've had such a wonderful opportunity since dad is always away and grandma used to stay apart for a while.

~contented~

home sweet home

woohooo!!!! I'm home! Mum and dad went to pick me up with their little Kancil and that was hilarious because my big giant luggage could not fit so it had to sit with me at the back sit. We went to visit grandma at Kampung Baru since mum said they might be waiting for me. How fortunate, they just opened a few durians that are really good - the 'ko liam ko liam' type - my favourite!!! Stayed for a while to chit chat. I realized that they seem to be speaking at a few decibles louder than I'm used to. I wonder if it's just me or if the Americans or to be specific, Michiganians seem to speak at a softer tone.

Reached home at 1am and ahmah came down to greet me. I was so happy to see her, but she cut her hair! She now has a boy-cut style, which actually makes her look kinda cute. We chat for a while and now I'm ready to turn in for the night.

I still can't believe that durian is the first thing I had since touch down! What a timing to come back - the tropical food season.

~lucky~

going home..

One more blog from Lansing. Just talked to dad on MSN. He's now at Dubai waiting for his next flight to KL then he'll be taking the bus to Penang, arriving at 10pm while I'll be arriving at 11.15pm. Didn't meant to tell anyone the exact time I'll be back as I wanted to surprise everyone at ahmah's house. But I got too excited when I found out Dad will be arriving at the same time. So I ended up blurting out - That's great! I'll be arriving a little after you! - Oh oh..had to explain the whole thing.

Follow up of yesterday's result, confirmed that the blue colonies are false positive. They are no different from my initial plasmid. That means that when I'm back from Penang, I have to start all over again from PCR. But I think I'm going to pick more blue colonies from the ligation with more vector. Maybe there are enough for me to grow them up and mass-produce the plasmid. Oh well, will wait till I'm back before I start thinking about it. At the mean time, I am bringing home some diluted nutrient agar to isolate some soil samples from my garden just for fun.

Finished packing a while ago and realized that I managed to fit everything in one large bag and one duffel bag so now my carry on is just my laptop, which is good. Today has been crazy since I woke up at 6am. Went to lab last night at 2am to set up cultures, came home at 4am and woke up at 6am. Wasn't too happy to wake up that early but can't really sleep either as there are too many things going on in my brain. Went to lab and start running gel electrophoresis for the remaining two digestion. That was when I confirmed that my blue colonies are false positive.

Then did some culture stuff to make sure my cells will stay alive when I'm back. I intended to stay only half a day but ended up finishing only at 4pm. Came home to grab a package to be mailed home then went back to lab for prepare potassium phosphate buffer so that I can bring it home. It is required to isolate bacteria from soil. Finished around 7pm and went to Target to get some candies and chocolates. When we got home, it was almost 9pm and I still had to do laundry because I don't want to live my dirty clothes sitting around for one month. Then had dinner, talked to Hannah and CP while packing and now I'm here. I just can't wait to go home! Already thinking about going for Roti Bakar near the airport when I arrive and 'keng cheh bee hoon' the next morning at the corner of Chung Ling High School.

~excited~