a dozen???

Found this excerpt from MSN.

Should you wed the first person you fall for?
How many people should you wine and dine before you can feel confident enough to say you’ve met your one and only? Believe it or not, mathematics has the answer: A dozen.

Hmm..what if the 12th person you meet is just not right for ya? And if you realize that the person you actually love is one of your first few...kinda too late right? But then again, I'm known for my conservative view in falling in love...

ouch...

Clutching my tummy lying on the front seat of the car wishing I was home lying on my bed tucked under my blankie. At the same time, holding the cell phone to my ear trying to talk without biting on my lips. One part of the conversation goes...

Ping: ...I think about eating but I just don't feel like it.
Him: I don't feel like doing a lot of things too..I don't feel like...(describing stuff he don't feel like doing)...I don't feel like talking to you either...(continue about eating being a necessity. Yeah, I am kinda neglecting that thought for a while now.)

What am I suppose to reply? I was speechless. The phone call went on for a while but by then, I was in too much pain to make a big deal out of it. It may sound like something he says just to knock some sense into me but it came out so easily, it sounded harsh to me and it hurts. What a time to find out the truth...but the truth is better than not knowing sometimes. At least I know to stay away now. In the first place, I don't even know why I thought he would care.

guilt

When we tell someone, "You can count on me" or "I'll be there for you", it is so easy to expect the same back. But like all other good habits, it is not easy to give without taking. Last night, I was so tempted to call BK when I had to talk to someone. Then I stopped myself. I was like, hei, who says you can just call him up and dump all your life challenges on him? You're suppose to be there for him, not the other way around. When I say "I'll be there for you", it doesn't automatically mean he has to be there for me too. It's suppose to be give, not take. So I place the phone back on the table and ponder to myself about the trouble in my head. Unable to take it anymore, I'll just dump it here since no one really reads it, which means I'm not really dumping it on anyone.

Mum's leaving for Aust to join dad in 2 weeks. Lil bro is getting his own place. That means grandma is gonna be home alone again. I know she'll be fine and she takes good care of herself. But I can't help feeling guilty. I wish I could be there with her but I don't have a choice. I can only support her financially but this is one of the times when money doesn't mean anything. I'd be a lot happier staying with her and living on white rice, pepper and tau eu. But that's not how life goes by these days. Every night I can't help worrying about what would happen if she fell or if something happens to her. No one's going to know about it. As long as I'm still here, somewhere deep in my mind, I'll always wonder if I'll get the chance to be with her and spend time with her.

For 20 years, she devoted her life to nothing but me. From the moment I was born until the day I stepped on the plane, leaving a home she had made for me, she made sure I had the most wonderful life. She would cook, clean, hear me cry, stay up all night when I fall sick, make me laugh, made me think...all without a sigh or a word of complain. She brought me wherever she go, introduce me to all her friends because she's so proud of me and had high hopes for me. She watched over my shoulder, making sure I don't get into the wrong group of friends or that I don't fall into a trap. Yet, there were times when I had not listened to her advice. Even then, she never did say "I told you so". I think the person who I hurt most when I broke up with BK was her. She knew it from the beginning that he was never gonna be good for me. She knew that he's gonna hurt me one day. And yet I had let myself fall for him. But she never shoed me away. For the numerous times he hurt me, she sat by my bedside while I cry myself to sleep. Over time, I managed to convince her that he's the best and that he'll never hurt me. She said that if I had decided that one day I would marry him, she'll be happy for me. But I guess she's right again. He was never the one. In the end, I hurt her from the break up because she knows how much it hurts me. She would make up excuses like he'll come back for you and he'll remember how good you were to him and he'll realize how much he lost...even though she and I both know that it's not true. But that was what I wanted to hear at that time and so she said it.

How many people can talk to their grandma about stuff like that? She had never scold me. Never. Even when I get furious at times and let it out on her. She's the best grandma anyone could have. When I was in primary school, she would go to all the award ceremonies when my parents couldn't make it. When I went to high school, she was right there too..all the way thru college. I wanted her to come here for my graduation but she couldn't take the flight. On the night of my graduation, I called her and she said to me...that she would love to see me get married and have kids but if time does not permit, she wants me to have her wedding ring, which I should past it down to my kids. For me, all I want is to spend sometime with her...before it's too late. I don't want her to lead the rest of her life by herself. But what choice do I have? I can't just abandon my entire project and go home. I have expectations to meet here. I have a career path to set for myself.

I feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do. I don't want it to be too late one day. I'm worried. I don't want her to regret taking of me because I end up becoming someone who doesn't care about all she had done for me. Because I'm not. Every single day, I go to bed thinking about all the things she had done for me. Thinking about the times when no one is there for me and yet she's right there next to me. Times when I feel like it's the end of the world and she reminds me how precious life is. What am I suppose to do? What are the choices that I have? I wish that there's something I could do. I just can't help feeling guilty for being here.

graduation ceremonies

This past Saturday is the 2nd time I attended a graduation ceremony here at State. Both were for friends whom I've met for a very short time but we clicked within the first few moments. At Western, they were friends whom I've met in college or at Western itself. People came and go..the last close friend was the past Saturday. While I cheer for their success and wish them a smooth journey ahead, inside, I wish that time does not past so fast. I ask the unanswered question all the time - why do people you love have to leave?

Sometimes I blame myself for the time I take to warm up to people but with L, I knew we were going to be awesome the moment we met. Every moment with her and F is happy times. Even when I am feeling shitty, laughter comes naturally when I'm with both of them. I am definitely going to miss her - both her sweetness and her seriousness. At least F is going to be around for a while. I can't imagine weekends without either of them. It's going to be hard when one day I realize that I can't just flip open my phone and ask if they wanna go for a movie or dinner or something.

it still gets to me

Just saw this article.

Whenever I see articles like that, it gets to me. I know it's been over for a long time but part of me still holds a grudge against it. Maybe because it's the first time I've been rejected..twice!..for something that I worked so hard for. And it was the one time when race and financial status becomes a discriminating factor to me.

Remember when we were young, in high school and the ideal life is ...study hard, get all As, get into a good uni, get a good job and then comes the cheesy part of life. But sometimes it doesn't work out so well because getting all A's doesn't mean you'll get into a good uni. Yeah, it turns out that my life is following the ideal path but for a while back then, it felt like everything was screwed up.

I took an effort to take an extra subject in SPM so that I have a higher chance of getting the 7A's that was considered good at that time (of course with today's standard, 7A's is kacang putih lah). But did that get me into the local unis? Nopez. Twice. I applied twice but no reason why you were rejected..it was just an unfriendly tape recorded phrase saying that you were not accepted. That's it. Then they expect you to move on with your life without any alternative. Unless you have tons of money to end up in a private uni or go abroad. But I thank God, I had the opportunity to apply for scholarships that got me thru my undergraduate degree in the States. But what if I was from a family so poor they can't even help pay for my air ticket and application fee, which cost more than my mum's salary at that time. I am glad that I got the opportunity to earn enough today to afford returning the money back to my parents. Unfortunately, that means I have to be here, miles and miles away from my family and everything else I grew up on. The gov. expects students to go back to work..but without a job opportunity? How is that going to work? Mum have been looking out for new technologies in biology for me and keeping me up to date but I still don't have the image of a company that I can contribute to. Heck, all the research I can find in the local unis on microbiology are medical-based. That's just not my game.

I really agree when they mentioned in the article that "You need better opportunities, respect...". If they just shoved you off without a reason why you're not accepted, then expect you to go back and work for them...that's kinda too much right? If they don't have sufficient space for us to get into the local unis, why not increase the education standards? Make it less easy to get the A's then they get to deal with less application if they set the requirement to like 10A's or above only. That would definitely make us feel better than giving us all the A's and then telling us that we're not accepted but someone else with 5A's was accepted (am sure most of us know who the 5A's students were).

Whatever it is, I still feel lucky that I was not accepted into the local uni or else I wouldn't have the opportunity I have today back in M'sia. But irregardless, that was the only time I was rejected because I was the wrong race. What was worst, a couple years later when I was serving a guy from M'sia and he showed me an expired coupon which I had mentioned that it's expired, and we don't accept it. He came closer and said, "Eh, bumiputra ni. Boleh lah.". That sure got me on fire. What the hell is that suppose to mean?????????? I was so tempted to say, Dude, this only works when you're in Malaysia. Here, you gotta live like everyone else does. You can be special for being yourself but not special for having a certain race. Things don't work the same outside the home country.

This entry is based on my own experience. I'm sure some will not agree to this but this is what I've been shown and I'm not trying to tell you otherwise from your own experience. I am just venting the frustrations. Am still trying to work it out of my system.

comm. meeting done!!

Woohooo!! I just finished my committee meeting last night and now I feel so free. I woke up this morning and felt weird..I was like..hmm..what am I going to do now? Since I couldn't decide and I don't feel like getting up from my bed, I edited the slides for next time..yeah, nerd but at least it's still fresh in my mind so might as well get it done. Anyway, it went really well and it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be because they started asking me questions and it felt more like a discussion than me standing there crapping about stuff that I'm not sure if they understand. It actually make me feel motivated. A flicker of hope that the system might actually work out to be a good system. But everyone was well aware that I have tons of variation control to do.

Feeling light and relieved, I decided to go somewhere I haven't been to for lunch and suggested that we go to Pita Pit. It turned out that none of us in the lab have been there before. Got a turkey pita with banana peppers and alfalfa sprouts, which was REALLY good!! Later in the afternoon, Dr. M treated us to Peanut Barrel for TAing for his class. That was definitely fun. We were joking and bitching and laughing. I thought we got a little too far when too much alcohol was consumed but it was definitely a good time for me. Can't remember the last time I laughed so much my cheek hurts. The only thing that sucks is..my coat smells a cigarette bud now. Urghhh!

Back to bed...maybe. *grins*

trip to K'zoo

It's graduation weekend in Kalamazoo. I took a drive down to congratulate V. I've been sitting in on people's graduation since BK's graduation in May 2003 - which is a lot! Out of so many, never once did I find any of them unique except for the few extra clips they added into the movie on 'days at Western' last year. This year, I decided to just go for the photo session after the ceremony instead of the entire thing. I got a good reason too - my committee meeting is next Friday, which I have yet to finish and I have lab reports to grade.

While graduation ceremony was usually held at Miller Auditorium, this semester, the ceremony is held at University Arena, the sports arena where Broncos plays basketball home games. They had to move it this year because Phantom of the Opera is playing at Miller and Ping is wishing she could stay one more day to watch the Phantom...but of course, priority list does not include that.

The number of people I know in K'zoo is getting less and less. V is one of the last few people I know. He was my apartment-mate during my undergrad and have been a great friend. He knows how to treat a friend right and I just had to be there to congratulate him in person. While others finish their undergrad degree in 4 years or so, he took a longer time to find what he really wanted to study. But when he found it, he was right on track. Saw how he changed from the 24/7 Xbox addict to a diligent student who now has the experience most undergrads do not pursue. I hope that he'll be able to find a job he likes here.

Since I was gonna be there, I decided to call J and Q for dinner and some catching up. We went to Rasa Ria, a restaurant serving Malaysian and Indonesian food. They don't have as many choices as Ria here in East Lansing but they definitely have good stuff. The dishes are more of the malay style than the hawker food style. I had a plate of mee siam which was pretty good but they used a different kind of noodle. I think it would have been a lot better if they had used bihun. I also ta pau a box of nasi ayam kampung. That is sooooooo good. I'll definitely drop by there again the next time I take a trip to K'zoo.

Billy Joel

It's Billy Joel! Bought the CD last week from Black, Flat and Circular and he's been my company for the past couple of days in the lab. It's busy busy days for Ping but feeling good about it 'coz I've been productive. Last week was busy grading all the lab notebooks (definitely enough for now!!) and this week I'm trying to organize my thoughts for committee meeting next week. At the same time, I am working on a few experiments that makes me think about the next step..kinda scary. What if this is all going the wrong way? What if this is something that cannot be proven even if speculatively, it seems likely? On the other hand, excited that it's not a dead end yet, that there's something to look forward to and that it is thought-provoking. Doesn't it makes you feel good when something makes you think..really think and use your brains? Am also busy guiding my students to finish up their final lab report and it's also making me feel good as I can see the progress they've had throughout this semester and the effort that some of them puts in. And of course, life is not all work. We have to play too right?? :P There was the BBQ and the Thai Cultural and Charity Dance to collect funds for the children in Thailand that are in poverty.

Ever gone through time when you're just so nervous about the next step, losing your confidence over small issues and having thoughts that you might end up being a failure? I guess sometimes we need encouragement and motivation and it's hard to provide that to ourself. Especially me, who always feels like I'm never good enough to be up there or to be part of something. Now I kinda know why Edmund says I don't have enough self-esteem. I can be optimistic and confident about something that I know I did it before. But when it's something new, I hold back, I move as though I'm stepping on pebbles instead of a solid path. All my friends have never seen me when I lose confidence, when I back away because I don't think I can be part of it or I can make it that far. No one believes me when I say 'I don't think I can do it'. They'll just shove the thought aside and say, 'Hei..you're Ping. You'll get it no matter what'. How do they know? Is it because I only show what people expects from me and when I'm upset I never show it out? Why can't I be the one taking advice instead of giving? Sometimes..just sometimes..I wish there is someone that I can complain to and not get the 'aiyah..worry what lah. Always say worry but still do it'. How about holding that back and say something like 'hei..you'll be fine. Just focus on your aim and work on it step-by-step'..or something like that? But I guess that's not gonna happen...which makes this phrase from Billy Joel's You're Only Human my favorite song of the week.

You've been keeping to yourself these days
Cause you're thinking everything's gone wrong
Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
That emotion can be so strong
But hold on
Till that old second wind comes along

On Monday, I received the letter with the list of those who will be my colleagues at MBL. Half of the list are people from prestigious universities and most likely have publications and are moving along in their own project. Me? I am still working on troubleshooting my model. I'm not even applying my model yet. Publications? They are just for conferences, not anything major. It kinda made me nervous about going and about my project. Then I talked to Tom and he kinda make me feel more confidence. He told me that I have experience and think a lot about my work, about my models and is constantly thinking of ways to disprove my null hypothesis. Then that reminds me..if I can't talk about what everyone else know, or understand what other people are working on, at least I know I'm good in what I do.

Regardless, I know I'll still feel nervous when the time gets closer. For now, I am nervous over my first committee meeting next week...that's why I'd rather be busy because it makes me feel good that I'm moving along, that it's not a dead end yet.

students

Finals week is not until next week but the lab that I am assisting for has a lab report due this week. Considering that not all my students got a chance to finish their experiments in time, I took the effort to have an open lab session this morning. I brought along with me 3 research articles as I thought no one was going to turn up. But surprisingly, there were about 15 students who came in. Some had questions and some just came to look at their results. Some were glad that I had the open lab.

I never thought that I would be able to teach someone else after the failure of teaching my lil bro maths in high school. I used to wanna be a teacher..remember the stuff we have to fill up during report card week? Teacher was always one of my options. Until one day, mum asked me to teach ahboy maths and I totally threw that ambition out of my mind. He was so stubborn. But today, I felt good after the open lab session. I was so glad that I could help out with all these kids. They were very patient and understanding with some of my explanations. For some reason, I tend to explain some stuff longer than necessary. It definitely made my day and no doubt, I would be willing to TA for the class again.

Today is actually one of my better Mondays. Although I didn't get as much done as I had plan, I did get some work done and some readings out of the way. Even got a chance to talk to BK and he actually made me feel better too. I just can't find a reason why after so long, his moods still affects me, giving me mix feelings. But today, I actually feel like a real friend to him...and that I matters to him. Maybe we can actually be friends after all...

BBQ at Hawk Island Park

The spring is here!!! Lovely weather - not hot enough to sweat and cool enough to wear shorts and throw the thick winter coat out the window. The weekend was around the corner and we can't help making use of it so we had a small BBQ party.

It was held at Hawk Island Park. It is a small park with a playground and 1.5 mile pathway for jogging, roller blading, biking or just walking. They also provide BBQ pits and sitting area. It is still too early to be crowded so it was just nice. We went there last year and enjoyed ourselves there. We have a different group this year as most of those who organized the gathering last year had gone back to Malaysia for good. I also invited 2 other friends from work and MW brought 4 other friends from work too so it wasn't exactly a Malaysian only gathering.

I made some chicken satay, pork on skewers with green peppers and prepared the BBQ must haves - hot dog and cocktail sausages. TT brought chicken wings, corn and potatoes. Although it was a nice weather to be out, it was too windy for BBQ because it took forever to cook the chicken wings. We had to cover them with layers and layers of foil. It definitely was a very environmental unfriendly event as we used 2 rolls of 50 yards foil and 3 bags of charcoal. MW's friend also brought beef kebab. Fan and Ling bought cake from Dusty's Cellar for dessert. When the cake comes from Dusty's Cellar, dessert must never be missed! Their cakes are all really good.

Overall, it was a great weekend and thankfully we decided to move it to Saturday instead of Sunday because it was dull, wet and gloomy on Sunday. It was a great weekend girls!!

gastric pain

Back in high school days thru college days, I used to be 'chua' (or more harsh, lan si) about my eating habits. I used to be able to go thru the entire day without eating anything until dinner time. My lil bro, mum, ex, some of my friends will have to worry about getting gastric pain when they miss a meal or gone for too long without food. At that time, I was also very kiam siap to save money for when I come here so it was a good thing. Being naive, I thought that I'll never experience the pain and am immune to it because I'm used to eating one meal a day.

Similarly, when I came to the States for my undergrad, my bad habits came with me. I cooked dinner almost every night then so that's where I get most of my nutrients and calories from. Lunch time would usually be something really light or if classes are too close, I would skip it too. At the same time, due to deprivation from lots of expensive good food, I tend to overeat during the rare occasion when we would go out for dinner. It's worst when we go to a buffet or my favorite place, Applebees! But after that meal, I could go on for quite sometime without any solid food. Of course I still need water ler.

I am pretty much still the same. When I'm really hungry, I'll go out for dinner and tend to overeat. Then I'll go on for a few days surviving on yogurt, tea and oranges. But I have been eating breakfast for the past year just so I don't feel hungry during my first lecture, which can be very distracting sometimes. Sometime last week, I had a sharp pain just below my chest and I thought it was the usual pain I get when I carry something that's really heavy. But the pain did not go away. Instead, it got worse. I felt like someone just punched me in my stomach and like I was gonna vomit. I drank some milk and ate a few pieces of biscuit thinking that maybe I was hungry but it didn't help. Tried to go to sleep and it was still bugging me. But after a while, I got tired and slept off. I woke up the next morning feeling fine except for a sore feeling at my stomach. Never thought about it at all until last night.

The pain hit again. Thankfully, I just got home and was preparing for bed. I ignore it and tried to go to sleep, which I eventually did. But I was thinking back to see if I had been skipping my meals. Not surprising, I realized that I haven't eaten a decent meal in the past 3-4 days. The last heavy meal I remembered eating was mee rebus on Sunday night. I didn't get a chance to go get groceries this weekend so all that was in my fridge is tubs and tubs of yogurt, lots and lots of oranges and soy milk. For some reason, I lost my apetite to eat anything else except for these few stuff. I have no idea what happened to me since it's not stressful period. I know that it's because of a lost of apetite instead of a 'I forgot to eat' reason. I went to Goodrich today for groceries and I didn't feel like buying anything at all except for another bag of oranges and few packets of PepperRidge Farm biscuits. Hope I get my apetite back for solid food soon...the pain is awful. (I know I know, lots of you are anxious to say 'I told you so' but I don't really feel hungry when I know I"ve been eating...my body is just not getting it as much as I know I'm consuming food).

Annie

What do you do when you're upset, disappointed and frustrated? Comfort food...nah..then I'll be so full I can eat anything else for the next day. It's Annie:The Musical!! The tour is on and they are in Lansing, right here at Wharton Center.

Just got back from watching Annie. It was definitely a good show..both for their talent and the badly-needed laughter for me. The story is about an orphan, Annie who was determined to find her parents. She ran away from the orphanage, which was run by a mean lady who made them do all the housework. Not going too far, she got caught and was brought back to the orphanage. Lucky thing, a billionaire who was once an orphan was looking for an orphan to celebrate Christmas in his house with him. Annie was the selected one. Initially, she was supposed to spend only 2 weeks in his house but they warmed up to each other and he wanted to adopt her. But she was still determined to find her parents and he offered to help by rewarding anyone who could identify her parents. As you would expect, tons of people appeared in front of his house declaring themselves as Annie's parents...just for the 'qian' lah. The lady who took care of the orphanage 'pakat' with her brother to trick Annie into thinking he's her dad. Too bad, the billionaire caught him before he gave Annie back. And so the story ended with Annie having a billionaire dad.

I always have a soft spot for family shows or movies. When I was in F1-F3, they used to show really good family movies on Saturday morning on TV3 I think. Remember how they usually start with a cartoon then some educational show (sponsored by KFC or something like that) and then there'll be a movie. I used to watch every one of them when there's no extra-curriculum activities (which I drag everytime we had one...because I had to take the public bus and there's no direct bus that goes to SS17. We had to stop at Subang Parade and walked to school. When it's time to go home, we had to walk to the other side of SS17 to catch the bus). Those movies were the really good ones...and watching Annie reminds me of The Little Princess. Not the remake but the one by Sherley Temple. Then there's Herbie, Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, The Secret Garden (which they now have the book online too!!) and lots and lots more. They are kids movie but they are really good ones...not like the teen movies today that are full of unrealistic paradigmns and bad examples.

Yeah..definitely miss those days. Saturday was my favorite day especially when dad was around as we get to go out for family fun after lunch. Unfortunately dad was never around much but those few moments were definitely the best. I've had a chance to have dad all to myself last summer so we're closer now...and one thing I've learnt, no matter how many of your friends, gf/bf betrays you, your parents will always be there. I was always afraid to tell my parents some stuff because I thought they were gonna say 'I told you so' but nope, that wasn't what I got. Both mum and dad stood by me all the way...no accusing 'I told you he wasn't for you'..but they listened and told me to stay strong. They are the best!! Ooppzzz...side-tracking...better stop now. Gotta go finish grading...sigh...

Grrrrr...frust nya.

Mikey, I think I should heed your advice and go for the 'counseling advisor' position.

How did I get into this mess? Next time I ask a guy 'how are you' and their answer is not good because they are having girl problem...knock me on the head and remind to just say 'I'm sorry but I can't talk now'. Yeah, I could just have exit MSN and just go do something else. But no, I had to feel bad for them and try to console them. How can I walk away when a friend so dear is in such a heartbreak? How can I not try to cheer them up? It breaks my heart when they look so upset although at the same time, they are hurting me.

Three months ago I was consoling JJ when he had a fight with his gal...even though he hid the truth from me for almost a year, making me think he was really gonna accept State and that he's coming alone. (no worries JJ..you're still my buddy..or is there a reason I should not forgive ya?? *wink* ) Then the past weekend, it was BK who's breaking my heart. This time it's for two reason. One - he's so upset and I hate to see him that way. Second - he's fallen in love again. Not surprising. But this time, he's falling hard. So here I am on a roller-coaster ride again. Happy for him 'coz he's found the girl he wants, sad for him 'coz it's not all peachy, and sad for myself 'coz it's like losing him again. On the other side, all of you who have been on my side would be proud to know that I was being good. No tantrums. No sarcastic remark. Did my best to console him and with all my respect, I kept my words separated from my emotions and no accusations. (:P I know I'm praising myself here but hei, it's a victory for me). It's hard but I'm crawling through. With all my heart, I wish him best of luck to getting LS back and that happiness and true love be with them always. As for you JJ, you gotta keep that promise of yours when she comes over...she's doing it for you so I hope you'll make it worth it for her. Way to go guyz!!

That's enough heart breaks to last me a lifetime. No more getting myself into such murky puddles. They gotta deal with whatever comes next. It's too risky...came this far and yet a small slip will make me drown in the sorrow again. Isn't this frustrating? Just when I thought I'm all fine, that I'm totally over all that had happen, I'm back up on the roller coaster ride. Blah!

sun and wind

It's such a lovely weather outside I couldn't resist the temptation to go out even though I had stacks of lab notebooks to grade. So I grabbed my camera and took off walking around the campus. With such bright sun and cooling wind, what better way could I spend my Saturday afternoon right?

Most of the flowers have yet to bloom but the buds are out and they should be blooming anytime soon. Magnolia is one of early bloomers and it's just lovely to see magnolia trees all white full with flowers.

I especially love trees that does not have leaves. When they are in full bloom, the entire tree will be covered and they are simply fascinating. For Magnolia, it can grow right out from the branch itself.

My other favorite is some blue flower. I see them here and there but have no idea what is its name. It kinda look like bluebells but there are more petals and they are separated from each other. Someone once told me that there is a bluebell woods someone in UK. It is so thick that the ground looks blue during blooming season. Would definitely love to go there one day. Bluebells and lavendar are definitely my soft spot but they are very rare...maybe that's why I don't get lots of flowers. :P

Came across a tree that looks suitable for a treehouse. We had a mango tree when we were staying in Bayan Baru and I loved climbing up on it just to catch the view from up there. When my parents chopped it off, we I wished that we would get a tree like this so that we can built a treehouse just for me. But of course that never did happen..but we got another mango tree when we moved to Batu Feringghi and it's bearing mangoes already!!!

It's been a long time since I walk out and enjoy nature's gift. Sometimes I get caught up with work and keep thinking that I have to keep going or I'll slack. But it doesn't always have to be like that. I came home a lot fresher and simple things like these reminds me of the beautiful life I'm granted with. It's not often one come across such lovely and peaceful day. I don't have to be watching all these thru a tv screen wishing I could see it, feel it and experience it for myself because I am part of it. I just love feeling the warmth of the sun shining on down onto my face as I lay down on the grass or just listening to the whispers of the trees. Even the squirrels are coming out again. Simply wonderful! There's more pics here too...

burung kakak tua

Was walking out of the kitchen and when I tripped over the little stool by the corner. Mumbled to myself that I should watch my path or I'll lose my teeth by the age of 30 and the tune to this song came to mind...

Burung kakak tua..
something something..
nenek sudah tua..
giginya tinggal dua.

Lettum, lettum, ooh la la..(or something like that)

Wanna remind me where this tune comes from? I think it's from Standard 1 or 2 when we had to learn all the pantuns..but I can't really remember. Why all of the sudden? I don't know either. Haha..just a random thought.

taugeh

Remember when we were kids (mostly us girls since ahboy never had to it :P) and mum would make us peel the 'ends' of taugeh for taugeh char kiam hu or the skin of peanut for soup? I used to dislike doing that, especially the taugeh ones, because it takes forever! But that's how we were brought up. Everytime we buy taugeh, we have to peel the ends and we got used to eating 'cleaned' taugeh. While I never did volunteer to do them, it will still be something that I will make my kids do one day. It wasn't just the taugeh that we had to peel but it was helping mum in the kitchen, spending time with mum and sometimes with dad and ahmah too. Sometimes we'll talk about what's going on in school and work..or we'll just pop in an oldies cd and sing along. Of course sometimes I'll talk too much and get the 'kah meh pek lah..kong uah ah ne cheh'. But if was definitely bonding time.

Today, people doesn't seem to be doing that anymore..or maybe it's just people here. Was having dinner at a chinese restaurant - char hor fun with chicken. They don't peel the ends of the taugeh! This morning, bought a bag of taugeh and started peeling the tails when roommate walked into the kitchen. 'Ping, do you know that it's okay to eat the that (refer to the ends)?' I told her that I know it's edible but I've been taught to peel them before cooking or eating them. Maybe it's just me but I'm pretty sure a lot of us were taught the same thing too. I even remember that you'll see some of the hawker sellers sitting by their stall after the lunch crowd peeling their taugeh..or maybe not anymore since I haven't seen any for a long time. But while I was eating the char hor fun, I just couldn't help thinking - don't they peel off the ends before they cook them???

Unsatisfied, I cooked my own char taugeh with hae and some sambal belachan from Hup Loong...after peeling off the ends. Even if the taste is not much difference with or without the ends, it still looks better without it.

stitch

Look...it's Stitch! These pics are taken by ahboy and posted as per his request. Stitch is my cousin's dog and he's soooooo huge already...but I'm comparing him to JubJub, which is a lot younger than Stitch. Isn't he cute??? But then I like JubJub's color better (no I'm not being racist!)...it just reminds me of Pinky. Too bad Trappers Cove don't allow me to get dogs, but then hor, when I have to go home or go away for a while, who's going to take care of him/her leh? Never mind ler..I'll just go home and play with Stitch or JubJub.

It would be funny if he just stuck out his tongue and licks your camera lense. What did you do to get this picture? It's not like 'Stitch' leh...too kuai.

mini-lab

While all the incidents were going on last night, I started liquid chromatography of my fluorescent proteins through a hydrophobic interaction column. But my protein solution was too concentrated that it takes forever for the sample to go through the column. I was tired of waiting for it when the time past 3am so I packed up a little mini-lab to bring home the column and all the stuff I need so that I don't have to go in this morning. It would be disappointing if I missed it and my column dried out or if I got there and it was still a long way more to go.

Been able to get 3 columns done and went back to lab this afternoon to exchange new columns and get more elution buffer. No worries...only working with protein, not carrying any biohazardous material out of the lab.

science and fun

It's been a while since I can describe my weekend in more than a sentence. I was doing something else!

Let's start with Friday afternoon (yeah..it started on Friday!). Managed to get quite a bit done on Friday and still got home by 7pm. Just before I left, I was sitting in the conference room talking to Fan about the lab we TA for when it started raining. After a while, the rain stopped and a rainbow appeared!!! I wished so badly I had my camera with me but nope, I could just watch it and plant the image in my memory. It's the most beautiful rainbow I've seen. The 6th floor conference room window gave us a large, unblocked view of the complete rainbow, starting from one end to the other. I could even count all the 7 colors. It was just amazing. It lasted for quite a while too.

Went home around 7pm, laze around for a while just reading papers and surfing until I slept off maybe around 10pm. Woke up at 4am on Saturday morning to get ready to meet KH and JW at the loading dock of BPS. JW drove us down to Ferris State University for the MI-ASM Spring Meeting. It's been 2 years since I last attended a MI branch ASM meeting and I didn't expect to see anyone there except for my previous PI from WMU. So I wasn't surprised when we got there and she was the only person I knew. The reason we decided to go this year is because Dr. Breznak was giving a talk on physiological diversity in termite guts. KH and JW went to support and I went because I have yet to hear him talk. He was the first speaker and we were going to leave after that. But JW decided to stay for the 2nd talk. I'm glad he did because halfway through Dr. Breznak's talk, a bunch of people from WMU came in! The break between the first and second talk gave me a chance to catch up with them. It's nice to see people I haven't seen in a while and to hear what research they are up to. Listening to JA's work, I realized that I never did have a lot of interest in it when I was at WMU but right now, I am working on something similar. That's when I realized that my aim in life has changed quite a bit from 2.5 years ago. It was also nice to know that these people remembered me for my work, for the stuff I've contributed in the lab..and unfortunately, for my tiny writing too. I had a great time there! Both meeting old lab mates and listening to the talks. The second talk was about nitrogen regulation in Klebsiella which I did not understand much but I thought the speaker was really good.

By the time we got back at MSU, it was already 3pm. I stayed a while in the lab to get stuff going and came home for a nap and dinner. Went back to lab around 8pm to check on my proteins and went to a movie and band night on campus. They showed 'Hard Day's Night' by the Beatles followed by a local band, the Yellow Submarine, which is a Beatles Tribute band. They sang all the Beatles greatest hits and some other songs from well-known Broadway music shows. Went back to the lab after the band and found out that the -80 freezer temperature was at -58C. The alarm went off after a while and I panicked. We have a lot of glycerol culture stocks in there and it's not good if the temperature kept increasing....

It sure was too much to handle on Saturday which is usually my chill out day. But sometimes, I don't mind it, like this Saturday. It's nice to be doing stuff away from my norm once in a while.

How sick is this?

‘Police made me strip’

Am looking through The Star in between centrifugation cycles. Came across this article and it totally gross me out. Sometimes, no matter how much I would love to be back home in my home country, it's situation like this that makes me hesitate. Give her a break man..she's a mum! with three kids!! Why do they need to do that to her for? For a boost of self-confidence? That is just so wrong. What happen to all the ethics we were taught in Moral class in high school? What happen to the well known 'friendly Malaysians'? Worst of all, it involves our own police force. How could we still trust them to protect us? To provide us with justice when we need it? To put them high in our pedastal because they are our shield? This is just so sad and disappointing...