World's smallest baby 'doing well'

World's smallest baby 'doing well'


Just as the Earthquake cum Tsunami washed out thousands of innocent life, advancement in science had managed to save this tiny baby. Bless that she will survive to see the world as a better place in the future.

blessed

First huge natural disaster in Malaysia - Earthquake followed by 6 ft high tidal waves - at least ever since I was born.

Woke up this morning, switched on my computer and checked my hotmail account. Saw a post from Yahoo!Penang4U. My first reaction to the e-mail was is that true or was the person who post it trying to tell that you can get such crap on the internet. So I went to check out The Star and ohmygosh!!! it is true!!! and it happens right at home in Penang! I didn't even finish reading the entire article and follow ups, I ran out of my house with my cell phone and called home with that little amount of battery left from not charging it before I went to sleep last night. Then I couldn't get the line at home and I was sooooo frustrated so I called my brother's cell phone. I was praying so hard that they would pick up the phone and tell me everything is alright. When I got my brother and he said they're fine, I was sooooooo glad. Then he puts my mum on the line and she told me the whole story of what happened to them, my eyes were watery with tears of happiness and I thank the Buddha so much for sparing my parents. They must have done really great deeds in their past to deserve such wonderful Karma effects.

They were on a rare trip to Mukahead with my dad's best friend's family. We've never gone back to Mukahead after the last trip we made since I was 4 with the entire extended family (that's when Justin got bitten by a jelly fish!). Even then, they've never really had the hype to go back there again because it was so far and the place is getting run down. But now that they finally made the decision to go back there for just half a day, such disaster happened. They were striked by the tidal wave but there were trees for them to hold on to and not get washed out. My dad wasn't holding on to any tree and was probably stunt by what happened. Thankfully, when the wave went down, he was washed to another tree and my mum joined him there later. When the wave subside, they hiked their way back instead of taking the boat back, which I'm sure is a long journey and very tiring but I'm very glad they did that. This is just a tiny bit of what they've experience, which can never be put in words because they almost lost their life there...I could never imagine life without them..ever. We've became so close these past months that they're all I can depend on whenever I need to talk to someone, whenever I'm down and even when I need to share my joys, which is still rare but today, it's a joyous day for me! I love them with all my heart and will always remember this day.

isolated.

Today is suppose to be a very cheerful day full of sweet smiles and laughters. I'm sure it is for lots of people but I just cannot feel the joy. All I can feel is how sad it is to be away from everyone I love and how left out and distant from each and everyone of them.

Woke up this morning feeling great. Had it all planned out that I'll spend the entire day working on my thesis and the rest of the day finishing the novel I've been reading. But halfway through my thesis, I decided to take a break and see what's on TV. Watched 'A Very Brady Christmas' - it's a really old movie about bringing the family together. Cried at the end. But continue watching the next movie - 'Santa Claus: The Movie'. Cried at the end again. After that second movie, all I could do was just sit there and cry. Yup. That was all I did for almost 30 minutes. I wish so badly that things are different, that I don't have to go through this all by myself but all I could do was to bring myself up from that couch, go to the bathroom, washed my face, looked into the mirror and tell myself that I'll get through this, that I'm a strong one and I'll be able to face this challenge.

Now that I'm much awake than dazed, I really wanna get out of this place for a few days. But I have no idea where to go. Looked at the airline tickets and it's soooooo freaking expensive at such last minute decision so it seems like I'm not going anywhere. I still can't believe I can miss home so much...but I really don't wanna drown in this misery. What am I suppose to do? Why am I still so unhappy even when I have everything I need? Because I'm isolated. I haven't spoke to anyone in days. I'm sick of chatting online with everyone who seems to be too busy to chat for more than 30 minutes because it keeps reminding me of how involved everyone are with their life and all I have to do is work, sleep and eat. Maybe this is a sign that I'm becoming a workaholic. Am I? I do fine comfort in working..but that's because I forget about everything when I work. What have I become?

Desperately need to call home. Hope someone is home.

Holiday spirit

It's the wrong time to have a holiday. Just don't feel the spirit at all. Have been coming to lab early in the morning and leaving only after it gets dark and the sun sets. On Monday, everyone was still around. Then Tom left on Tuesday..Uri and Steph left on Wed..and Dion left today. But no one seems to be coming on today. Well, if I have someone to spend the holidays with me, I wouldn't be in today either but I don't seem to know anyone at all.

This is probably the first time that I really feel alone. ALONE. It's not just lonely but ALONE. Shucks...now I sound like a loser. But I just had to admit that. Kwi thinks I should get a boyfriend. I just laughed it off 'coz that's almost impossible when I don't even know anyone in the first place. Think I'm anti-social? I don't think so coz I've been joining lots of diffrent kinds of activities but just don't seem to catch the attention of certain groups. At this moment, I can still remember the words Kevin once said to me when we were the only two person in class during that last month before PMR. He said that I'm a nice person to talk to and seek for advice but he just don't think that I'm the girlfriend type. He thinks I'm too nice. Too nice, huh? Maybe...

Listening to Holiday Pop channel in the lab now. It's only me here so it doesn't matter. Songs are great but no excitement for me...just make me miss home more. Sigh...when am I going to learn to accept things the way it is without feeling so miserable?

Even 'the-ex' is moving on. Sometimes I feel reluctant to do certain things because I'm afraid that everything I do is gonna be something that brings us even further apart. But then again, everything he does is already bringing us further apart. Distance sucks. I can talk to him like normal..but the moment I have sometime to myself, all kinds of thoughts start to tumble around my head and it hurts so much (not physically).

I need more strength to stay strong. Someone bring me back....

missing home.

The serenity of the holiday season is starting to catch up with me. The streets are dead quiet, especially in Spartan Village, that it almost feel eerie to be walking out there. The weather does not help much because it's soooooo freezing cold! It's almost -10 C out there today.

Left the lab early today, around 5pm. My mind just wasn't into working today. All I could think about are all the stuff that I could do back home with my parents and grandmas. There's just so many more things to do back home than here. It's either the bars or shopping - I don't drink beer and it's too cold to be out shopping. Even as I'm typing this, I can imagine myself back home having Beach St. RM 1 nasi lemak (the one at the food court opposite HSBC, I think..or some bank), with a cup of milo-peng kow kow. I can bet if I tell this to my parents, they're gonna add more to it, making me even more 'gian' but I guess I would just have to wait till next year.

For now..it's back to organizing all the articles I've read this semester. It's still amazing how much I can read in 4 months - and they're not novels but scientific publications. No wonder my friends call me nerd.

after finals effect

The laziness that comes with the after finals effect is still with me. Haven't done anything this entire weekend except getting some stuff set up in the lab, shopping and bumming at home.

Managed to talk to S yesterday. I've never seen him online but probably because I was up till about 4am this morning and it's 5pm there in PJ. Anyway, talked to him a little and found out that he's single again. I told him that I broke up and he said I made a stupid move. I was like..what???? Don't you wanna know the story first? Then he started telling about how great it is to be in love and to love someone. It seems like he's a very committed person and is willing to sacrifice a lot for his gal. I guess the working world had changed him..he used to put his friends first before his girl and he was the 'bo-chap' (don't care in Hokkien) kinda guy. Now, listening to all the things he has in mind about what he can do with a girl, it's like seeing a whole new him. It's fun to be able to talk to him about our dreams and all. I even teased him, I said - Could there be more than a high school fling between us?. He laughed. It was really nice talking to him so joyfully and don't have to worry about screening my words. It was so natural even though we haven't seen each other in 6 years and we haven't talk in a really long time too. Furthermore, we stopped communicating in such an abrupt way that we never did knew when we fell out of love. But then it wasn't really love at that time. It was a crush..that sad to say, would probably never become love, would it? There's just no chemistry when we talked, which is just the opposite of what I feel when I talk to D. Talking to D creates so many feelings. Why must things be so complicating between us?

Went to Meridian Mall with Dan today. He's bored. I'm bored and we decided to go to the mall even though he doesn't like the mall and I didn't have anything to buy but it was better than bumming at home. He picked me up, drove there and it took us almost 10 minutes just to get a parking space. I was sitting there, amazed by the amount of people out there shopping and he was driving, swearing every now and then and commenting on everyone who's in his way. I've never seen this many people in the mall before and especially not the parking place so full. It's crazy. Of course, there are some really inconsiderate people who parks their car on two parking spot, people who park so out that their car are almost in the middle of the road, which all made him even madder. Then when we found a spot, there was actually two..what luck!

Had A&W for lunch at the food court. It's so not Malaysian A&W. There's no Coney dog, no waffle, no chicken either! It's just hamburger and sandwiches. :( But then it filled my empty stomach so it was okay but of course it would be better to have at least Coney dog. :P

Later, when Dan brought me home, I can feel the serenity and loneliness of this place starting to haunt me. But it's still ookay for now since I've been so busy and I'm actually looking forward to a little time for myself and just relax. But then that would give me time to think about 'stuff'. Sigh...

My second home

lab bench in the Schmidt's lab. The white reader on the bench is my new baby...TD-700 Fluorometer..we just got it and is my current toy. Check out the window right next to my desk. I love it! We're up on the 6th floor, which allow me to see almost the entire East Campus and there's an orchid plant to greet me every morning too! Posted by Hello

woohooo..finals are over!!

Today is the last day of finals week and it's also my last exam for the semester...I was sooooooooo relieved when I got out of the exam hall at 9.45am this morning. The subject - Introduction to Molecular Biology of the Gene - was the most detailed and heavy subject I've ever taken. The notes itself was thicker than the reference book and I had to buy a new file just for this course but I sure learned a lot because I feel smarter now than one semester ago (blushing...I know I know...I'm being over confident..but I really do because understand so much more stuff now).

Went to lab after the exam but could hardly concentrate on anything because I was still hyper over the fact that the most tedious subject is actually over. But I did not prepare any E. coli cultures so I couldn't do anything except for analyzing my data. Since I left the lab early, I decided to go check out this new 'Giant book sale' at Grand River Ave (the magnificent mile of E. Lansing). The moment I stepped into the store...I was like...'Oh my goodness! I'm gonna go crazy with all the books' ...once that moment of dazed was over, I couldn't stop moving from one book to another. There are soooooooooo many books and all of them are really good ones..they have from paperbacks to hardcovers, New York Times bestsellers to ancient ones, it's heaven on Earth! So I spent almost 2 hours in that shop and bought two books. When I was paying for the books (which was 2 for 5 USD!!! - and they're hardcover!!!), the manager told me that they put out new books almost everyday and that just psych me up! There goes my holiday..can't find me in the lab or at home..check the 'Giant book sale'!

a weekend in Kalamazoo

just finished reading "Sam's Letter to Jennifer" by James Petterson. It's a really great story and it almost bring me to tears. It's about the emotions of a widower when her grandma falls sick, which led her to rediscover the feeling of love. I've always wanted to be with my grandma whenever she needs me and sometimes, guilt still overcomes me when I think about me being so faraway, neglecting her when she took care of me ever since the day I was brought to life until this very day. It is still amazing how deep her love for me is because every time I talk to her on the phone, she makes me fell so loved and remembered. It's like my existence have made her world a better place. I can still remember all the times she talks about me in front of my relatives and her friends. She just beem with happiness and she's so proud of me..but here I am..pursuing a degree that I don't know where it will bring me to except to fulfill my need to contribute to the life sciences community and future health concerns. Again and again the question lingers in my mind..will there ever be a time when I can spend time with my grandma and do all the favorite things we used to do? Will she wait for me to go back and be by her side? I hope that she'll be strong...to give me a chance to show her how much I love her and how much she means to me for it's her that I know what it feels like to love someone and to be loved back by that same someone.

While my thoughts are bringing me back to Penang, I'm physically here at a friend's place in Kalamazoo. I came here for the weekend to attend a graduation ceremony of my last few friends remaining here at Kalamazoo..the people gets lesser every semester. It's sad to know that we might never be this close again because we are all moving forward, going our own way. It's gonna be hard to meet up all at the same time since not all of us are from the same city and some still unsure what's their next environment. The last time I went home, I could feel that my high school friends and me were drifting even further apart because I only had a limited time in KL since my family moved back to Penang. I felt torned between wanting to spent time with my family and wanting to hang out with my close friends but thankfully, I managed to meet up with a few of them.

Back to my weekend here, it feels fresh to be able to be part of the group of friends here again. The main reason I decided to be here for the graduation ceremony is because two of my close friends graduated yesterday and I decided to come down here for the weekend to be part of their proud moments in life. They are both great people in different ways. It's not that they're perfect, they do have their flaws but they've impressed me numerous time during the times I've known them.

Sitting in the auditorium watching all these people walking on the stage with their proud smiles and confident strides, I felt the same happiness I did when I was walking on that same stage, listening to the same tunes and speeches last December. But then every few moments, sadness thoughts dawned on me. Something is missing here...it's the love that I had that December of 2003. My parents were there..my boyfriend was there. However, these thoughts did not linger for long. Why? because all my wonderful friends were right there with me. I was never a very socially active person but I've crossed path with these people every once in a while and I've forgotten how great they made me feel by just having me with them. After the graduation ceremony, we went for dinner at Chilis. That night at the dinner table was one of the best moments I've had since I came back here to the States and I laughed so hard at one point my tummy hurts so much. Kevin was telling us about the experienced he had with bats when he was staying at University Village during his first year at Western and another encounter recently at Knollwood. The last time I laughed so hard was probably when I was visiting my parents in China and the jokes that my dad cracks me up.

Later in the night, I went to Campus Kitchen, an American Chinese food restaurant that I used to work at when I was doing my undergraduate degree at Western. My intention was just to say hi to the boss since he called me and ask how am I doing here at E. Lansing. I worked there only for 8 months but we've managed to become friends instead of just being an employee to them. I ended up staying there for about 2 hours and the boss's wife made a Black bubble milk tea, which I haven't had since I left Kalamazoo in May this year and also a bowl of curry chicken. She wouldn't take a single cent for it but instead sat right next to me and we starting chatting away like old friends. I was glad I went because not only was I able to catch up with her but also with an Indian couple who had helped me a great deal when I was moving from Kalamazoo to E. Lansing. I updated them about the 'unfortunate breakup' and I got the best response I've got since the incident. I won't mention it here but it sure made me feel worthy of myself again.

Great friends are friends who make one laugh and yet criticize at the right time.

Exam week!!

3 hours away from exam and here I am...sitting in front of the computer in the microbiology computer lab blogging...am I so prepared? haha..probably not but I figured I need a break for a while. I have to print out the graphs for my data from yesterday anyway. Played with the fluorometer a little bit yesterday morning and got some really beautiful data to show my PI. Since the printer is taking forever to print 4 pages of colored graphs, I figured I might as well fill up some space here.

But then again...maybe I should get back to studying. :P

What is success?

sitting in front of the mac in the lab trying to occupy the remaining 20 minutes the autoclave is going to take before I can leave, go shop for groceries, go home, take bath and fall back onto my wonderful bed. At the mean time, I just realized that I have achieve success in life. I've got a great job, great place to stay, classes are going as well as it can be, I have everything that I can think of, money to spend, money to save and still enjoy life. Isn't that what success is all about? To be able to enjoy life and not worry about anything? But if success is really this easy to
achieve, then why are there so many people out there who are still seeking for success? What does success actually mean? Is the success that most people are looking for = to be a millionaire? But what's the point then? If one is rich, there'll be no motivation to work or improve their current status of intelligence except to better make use of their wonderful lifestyle. Then the people of future generation will start to deteriorate in the ability to think critically and there will be lack of inspiration to discover more about life. Oh no..I'm starting to babble my way around success. But I think i'm ready to admit that I have everything I want in life - to enjoy life and still have the inspiration to contribute back to life.

there's just one thing missing though...for the person whom I love so dearly to come back to me. We've been able to talk normally this week. It was mostly because I'm too busy to analyze everything he says, which is good because I can be myself more instead of pretending to be a stranger to him. It feels more familiar and comfortable to talk to him by just being myself and I think he feels that way too. I'm just glad he still remembers there is someone out here who still cares about him a lot. That makes me wonder though..what about that girl he's so interested in..isn't she doing anything to make him feel better? Oh well, better to stay away from being too analytical.

Just got my camera today but had no time to play with it yet. Finals is next Friday and lots of stuff to do in the lab. Managed to get the fluorometer going and am anxious to try it with the real cultures of E. coli now. Hopefully I can get some preliminary data by the end of next week. Wish me luck!!

i've got myself a rabbit!

It hasn't snowed today, which was kinda disappointing because I was hoping to get lots of snow today. But guess what! I think I've got myself a rabbit..well, sort of. Woke up this morning and was soooo glad to see the snow covered the entire garden behind my apartment. I was trying to take pictures with my webcam when I saw this brown hump at the root of the tree. It's a rabbit! I don't know how long it was there but it's still there when I looked a while ago..and that's about 12 hours already! It doesn't seem to move a single step at all either. I wonder if the snow can keep it warm or the rabbit just likes the view of my window because that's what it does the entire day!

Just told my parents that we broke up...they were really supportive but I can sense that my grandma is really disappointed. But it's better this way now that it's out in the open. If we're meant to be, I'm sure we'll cross path again. Now all I have to do is get over it...we talked today..nothing in particular but he was being really sweet. Makes me miss him so much but I'm just glad that we can still talk and share something. In a way, he'll always be with me.

it's snowing!!!

i can't believe it! It's only end of November and it's already snowing! What a change from last year. I was completely unprepared for the weather that it took me to a surprise. I was busy all morning trying to pellet my tiny E. coli so that I can store them in the freezer over the holiday and have everything prepared when I go back on Monday. It wasn't until past 1pm that I finally got to sit down and start filling up my lab report that I look out the window and guess what??? It's snowing! It must have snowed for quite sometime already because the grass and roofs were already covered with a thin layer of snow. Can you imagine that? My entire lab has a huge window that look out over the west side of the campus and I did not realize what's going on outside until half the day is gone. But anyway, I'm still excited that it's snowing. It is soooooo beautiful outside that I can just stand there looking at the snow flakes fall - a moment of nature's gift that will always capture my heart away.

The campus had also gotten really quiet after lunch. The BPS (biomedical and physical sciences) building was almost deserted this morning it felt like I was in the wrong building. Even in the lab, everyone started leaving at about 3pm. Thanksgiving celebration is a big thing here. The snow made it kinda hard for some people who have to drive hours to reach home..hopefully Hannah made it just in time..but I still think that it's wonderful to be snowing! It'll probably be 3 inches by tonight I think.

I have drained myself so much this past 3 days that I'm ready to just relax and not worry about any datelines or lagging behind in lectures, which I still am but library is closed already (yeap! that's the best excuse I can give myself). So I ordered chinese food! It's 'char siew fan'. Haven't tried it before but hopefully it'll be close to what we can get back home. Then I get to watch "A Walk To Remember". I've been wanting to watch it ever since I bought the book..it's a really touching story.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

first entry...

it's a perfect night outside today. Not too cold for a walk and stars shining bright, which usually would cheer me up (I'm all about nature). But the mood to go out is not there. Just found out something unpleasant, which is probably nothing serious but the first look sure hurts enough to make me wanna lock myself up and never go out again.

But thanks to a great friend, she kept my mind away from what's bothering me and later got me to loosen up and try to make sense out of what's happening. We've known each other for a really long time..heck, we even go to the same primary school and never knew that until we met in secondary school! But we've only recently became close. We were buddies at one time in high school when I was a prefect and we had to work closely together. We then lost touch except for a 'long-long-one-time' gathering until we met again sometime during summer this year in M'sia when I was back for a vacation. Caught her on Yahoo! messenger and that has been one of the few best thing that have ever happened to me since I came here! She listens to me, talk sense into me, gets tormented by me and a lot more that a true friend would do. She's also the reason I decided to do this..it's still new to me but I guess I'll know if I like doing this once I get the hang of it.

Hei girl, thanks a whole bunch!