It's the wrong time to have a holiday. Just don't feel the spirit at all. Have been coming to lab early in the morning and leaving only after it gets dark and the sun sets. On Monday, everyone was still around. Then Tom left on Tuesday..Uri and Steph left on Wed..and Dion left today. But no one seems to be coming on today. Well, if I have someone to spend the holidays with me, I wouldn't be in today either but I don't seem to know anyone at all.
This is probably the first time that I really feel alone. ALONE. It's not just lonely but ALONE. Shucks...now I sound like a loser. But I just had to admit that. Kwi thinks I should get a boyfriend. I just laughed it off 'coz that's almost impossible when I don't even know anyone in the first place. Think I'm anti-social? I don't think so coz I've been joining lots of diffrent kinds of activities but just don't seem to catch the attention of certain groups. At this moment, I can still remember the words Kevin once said to me when we were the only two person in class during that last month before PMR. He said that I'm a nice person to talk to and seek for advice but he just don't think that I'm the girlfriend type. He thinks I'm too nice. Too nice, huh? Maybe...
Listening to Holiday Pop channel in the lab now. It's only me here so it doesn't matter. Songs are great but no excitement for me...just make me miss home more. Sigh...when am I going to learn to accept things the way it is without feeling so miserable?
Even 'the-ex' is moving on. Sometimes I feel reluctant to do certain things because I'm afraid that everything I do is gonna be something that brings us even further apart. But then again, everything he does is already bringing us further apart. Distance sucks. I can talk to him like normal..but the moment I have sometime to myself, all kinds of thoughts start to tumble around my head and it hurts so much (not physically).
I need more strength to stay strong. Someone bring me back....
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