a weekend in Kalamazoo

just finished reading "Sam's Letter to Jennifer" by James Petterson. It's a really great story and it almost bring me to tears. It's about the emotions of a widower when her grandma falls sick, which led her to rediscover the feeling of love. I've always wanted to be with my grandma whenever she needs me and sometimes, guilt still overcomes me when I think about me being so faraway, neglecting her when she took care of me ever since the day I was brought to life until this very day. It is still amazing how deep her love for me is because every time I talk to her on the phone, she makes me fell so loved and remembered. It's like my existence have made her world a better place. I can still remember all the times she talks about me in front of my relatives and her friends. She just beem with happiness and she's so proud of me..but here I am..pursuing a degree that I don't know where it will bring me to except to fulfill my need to contribute to the life sciences community and future health concerns. Again and again the question lingers in my mind..will there ever be a time when I can spend time with my grandma and do all the favorite things we used to do? Will she wait for me to go back and be by her side? I hope that she'll be strong...to give me a chance to show her how much I love her and how much she means to me for it's her that I know what it feels like to love someone and to be loved back by that same someone.

While my thoughts are bringing me back to Penang, I'm physically here at a friend's place in Kalamazoo. I came here for the weekend to attend a graduation ceremony of my last few friends remaining here at Kalamazoo..the people gets lesser every semester. It's sad to know that we might never be this close again because we are all moving forward, going our own way. It's gonna be hard to meet up all at the same time since not all of us are from the same city and some still unsure what's their next environment. The last time I went home, I could feel that my high school friends and me were drifting even further apart because I only had a limited time in KL since my family moved back to Penang. I felt torned between wanting to spent time with my family and wanting to hang out with my close friends but thankfully, I managed to meet up with a few of them.

Back to my weekend here, it feels fresh to be able to be part of the group of friends here again. The main reason I decided to be here for the graduation ceremony is because two of my close friends graduated yesterday and I decided to come down here for the weekend to be part of their proud moments in life. They are both great people in different ways. It's not that they're perfect, they do have their flaws but they've impressed me numerous time during the times I've known them.

Sitting in the auditorium watching all these people walking on the stage with their proud smiles and confident strides, I felt the same happiness I did when I was walking on that same stage, listening to the same tunes and speeches last December. But then every few moments, sadness thoughts dawned on me. Something is missing here...it's the love that I had that December of 2003. My parents were there..my boyfriend was there. However, these thoughts did not linger for long. Why? because all my wonderful friends were right there with me. I was never a very socially active person but I've crossed path with these people every once in a while and I've forgotten how great they made me feel by just having me with them. After the graduation ceremony, we went for dinner at Chilis. That night at the dinner table was one of the best moments I've had since I came back here to the States and I laughed so hard at one point my tummy hurts so much. Kevin was telling us about the experienced he had with bats when he was staying at University Village during his first year at Western and another encounter recently at Knollwood. The last time I laughed so hard was probably when I was visiting my parents in China and the jokes that my dad cracks me up.

Later in the night, I went to Campus Kitchen, an American Chinese food restaurant that I used to work at when I was doing my undergraduate degree at Western. My intention was just to say hi to the boss since he called me and ask how am I doing here at E. Lansing. I worked there only for 8 months but we've managed to become friends instead of just being an employee to them. I ended up staying there for about 2 hours and the boss's wife made a Black bubble milk tea, which I haven't had since I left Kalamazoo in May this year and also a bowl of curry chicken. She wouldn't take a single cent for it but instead sat right next to me and we starting chatting away like old friends. I was glad I went because not only was I able to catch up with her but also with an Indian couple who had helped me a great deal when I was moving from Kalamazoo to E. Lansing. I updated them about the 'unfortunate breakup' and I got the best response I've got since the incident. I won't mention it here but it sure made me feel worthy of myself again.

Great friends are friends who make one laugh and yet criticize at the right time.